Let's go to the movies...

There is something about the Oscars.  Maybe it's the hundreds of celebrities that all come together in one place.  Maybe it's the theme music that makes me want to cry even though it isn't meant to be sad.  Maybe it's the dresses...the tuxes...the tributes...

All I know is that I look forward to it...and it never seems to disappoint.

As I sit here watching this year's edition, it has me thinking about the impact that movies have had on my life and on the lives of all of us.  We certainly live in this strange world where Hollywood and celebrity and materialism seem to overwhelm us in a negative sense.  We know more about the gossip surrounding the death of Whitney Houston than we do the real news that is happening in this world.  I'm the first to admit that my conversations often involve more ridiculous jabber about people I don't know than about things that actually matter.

BUT....I think there is a lot more to Hollywood than the glitz and the rumors.  Think about the movies that have impacted you...that hold memories that are incredibly personal and meaningful.  Doesn't everyone remember those movies that they went to see as kids, when we were so small that those old-school theater seats would flip up and trap us in them?  How about that movie that you went to on your first date (you know...the one that you don't remember anything about because you were concentrating so hard on not doing something stupid)?  How about that movie that you watch everytime you were home sick as a kid?  The movie that you have watched over and over because it never stops being funny?  We all have those.

I love the Oscars because it takes time to honor the talents of people that make these moments possible.  Let's face it...most of us have no idea how to act.  Most of us have no desire to act. I have never once wanted to stand in front of a crowd and show off my entertainment abilities, most likely because I have none.  The Oscars is an opportunity to recognize people, that regardless if they themselves recognize it or not, have been allowed a God-given talent to allow people to escape this world for a few moments.  Movies allow us to escape that bad break-up or bad news and find humor or adventure in something fantastical.  They are the visual companion to the books that have always kept us company.  They are the outpouring of the imaginations of a lot of talented people.  I love it.

As I watch this year, I realize that I haven't seen many of the top notch movies of the year, probably because I have been wasting all my money on movies like The Vow which will never be awarded anything for talented acting....ha.  But I'm also reminded of my goal to watch all the Best Pictures from 1990 on....a little piece of my Bucket List that I suppose I should get cracking on.  I think I'm having a hard time getting into it because of the 2nd one on this list...maybe I can skip to 1992.  Cannabalism quit being fun when I was in the Jr. High and scary movies were still exciting and not heart-attack inducing.

Perhaps I can use 1989's movie in its place?  Driving Miss Daisy is so much more my speed.

(*) = I've seen this enough times that I don't need to see it again to appreciate the beauty of it all.

1990 - Dances with Wolves
1991 - Silence of the Lambs
1992 - Unforgiven
1993 - Schindler's List
1994 - Forrest Gump (*)
1995 - Braveheart
1996 - The English Patient
1997 - Titanic (3D in Imax....on the 100th anniversary...I think yes).
1998 - Shakespeare in Love
1999 - American Beauty
2000 - Gladiator
2001 - A Beautiful Mind
2002 - Chicago
2003 - Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (*)
2004 - Million Dollar Baby
2005 - Crash (*)
2006 - The Departed
2007 - No Country for Old Men
2008 - Slumdog Millionaire (*)
2009 - Hurt Locker
2010 - The King's Speech
This year...to be announced.

So thank you actors, producers, directors, cinematographers, etc... for allowing us to get outside of ourselves and experience in ways that we couldn't if you didn't create.

P.S. Does anyone have direct contact with Joseph Gordon-Levitt...because I would like to thank him personally...  ;)

HA!  Happy Oscar Sunday!

Teach me a lesson....

A few lessons this week....minor.....major.  Lots of them really.  There will be more next week and the week after that....but this week feels monumental to me.

1) Life doesn't owe you anything... 

So silly that we assume that we deserve a certain set of circumstances in life.  We deserve good health.  We deserve a high paying job (or any job at all) because of that degree we've got tucked in our back pocket.  We deserve a reasonable number of answered prayers (not just answered, but answered with the answer we want).  Holy cow.  How undeserving I am for everything I've ever been blessed with....and I don't deserve anything else.  So why don't we recognize more often that the beautiful things we encounter in life are gifts...not because life owes them to us, but because someone loves us enough to allow us to experience them.  I'm frequently annoyed by the "God is awesome" status updates on Facebook.  Not because I don't agree with that, but because its said so flippantly that we forget what we are even saying.  Can I just say, as someone who doesn't say it enough, God is awesome.  And not because I'm having a mountain top experience right now.  In fact, I've found myself in quite the valley.  But God is awesome.  And in control.  And showers me with things I don't deserve, like people that adore me and laughter and sunshine and hope.

2) If an article of clothing looks like it might be cheap....it probably is. 

Nothing like a brand new sweater that looks sort of like it might rip apart actually ripping apart the first time you wash it.  Granted, I also ignored the tag that said "dry flat" and decided to dry it in the dryer.  Who has time or patience for a shirt that has to be dried flat.  Have you seen my apartment?  I have no flat spaces to dry high maintenance shirts....and if I did find a spot, my cat would fall asleep on it and it would need to be washed again.

3) Speaking of cats....don't reward animals for bad habits...no matter how cute said "bad habit" is initially. 

My cat has discovered that he can move his bowls around on the floor to indicate when he is hungry.  It was cute at first....and I would quickly respond by refilling his bowl.  However, after  3 incidents of waking up in the middle of the night from him shuffling his bowl around in hungry expectation, I'm about to wring his adorable little neck.  Maniac.  I've officially had him for a year in March.  I've kept a living animal live for over a year...he has outlived every single plant I've ever attempted to care for.  Horray!

4)  Ireland has to be what heaven looks like....

I am MISSING Ireland in a big way right now.  In case you've lived under a rock for the last year, I traveled to Ireland for 10 days last March with a handful of my best friends.  It was a pretty epic getaway with a lot of highs and lows, but as time goes on and the lows become less memorable....all I seem to recall is how beautiful it is there and how much I'd love to go back.  I have a collage of pictures from my trip next to my bed and sometimes I find myself just staring at it aimlessly in the mornings when I'm getting ready.  Look at these pictures and tell me you don't think God spent an unusual amount of time creating such a beautiful place....I dare you.

 Greece is a masterpiece as well....maybe I should go there next.



Any takers?

Ok, I'm out of lessons for the week....on to the weekend.  Time to go check my last load of laundry and see what else I've managed to ruin.

Paper Hearts

I've heard a lot of complaints about Valentine's Day over the years....in fact...some of them have probably come out of my mouth at one time or another.

1)  "It's a Hallmark holiday"
2)  "You should tell people you love them every day...not just Valentine's Day"
3)  "It's really over-consumeristic"
4)  "Its fun if you are actually HAVE a Valentine..."

Ok, so maybe all of those are true....but why can't it still be fun? 

I have a little bit of a twisted love affair with Valentine's Day and I have to say that I've never received flowers as a romantic gesture, never gone out for an intimate dinner, never been surprised by something unexpected from a special someone.  Realistically Valentine's Day falls flat when it comes to all its traditional selling points.  BUT....here is why I like Valentine's Day.

1) Those little cards that kids give to their classmates (especially the old school ones that we had....they came with envelopes.  High qual.)  I was at Hallmark with my mom the other day and picked up a box and was pleasantly reminded of how sweet and innocent those cards are.  I remember being REALLY concerned about which one to give to the cute guy that sat across from me in class...and after looking at them as an adult...I realize I shouldn't have worried so much.  There is no way that any little boy could read "You are rad" or "I'm bananas over you" or "You're purrfect" and actually question your intentions by that.  Boys are so dense...and those card are so ridiculous.

2) Flowers....it's the one day of the year where I unabashedly believe that I deserve a $15.00 bouquet of flowers on my own dime.  Usually I go for the $3.50 bunches at Trader Joes, but Valentine's Day calls for something special.  And I don't care that it isn't from someone else....because flowers are flowers.  Let's be real.

3) Getting a card from my mom in the mail.
It's no lie.  My mommy loves me.  And she is always good to me on Valentine's Day.

4) 4 days of non-stop girl movies on TV.  Enough of those thrillers or science fiction garbage flicks...I'm talking hours and hours of the best chick flicks ever made.  Today alone (because I was at home cleaning and cooking), I have watched Pretty Woman, The Holiday, 27 Dresses, When in Rome, and later I plan on watching the Proposal.  It has been good....really good.

5) Wearing that ugly pink scarf that I never wear any other day of the year.  It's hot pink...why would I ever wear that really?  I got to wear it the other night for girls night, and it was liberating.  I felt like Paris Hilton, but I felt liberated doing so.  I'm saving my light pink scarf with black hearts for Tuesday...and anticipating a day of borderline sexual harassment from my clients.

6) Not having to buy something for someone else.  You know how much cheaper it is to not be dating someone on Valentine's Day? 

But realistically this Valentine's Day the thing I love most is that I'm just loving the slow roll of life.  I will admit that on Valentine's in the past, I have felt really overwhelmed by the day.  Overwhelmed by the lack of romance in my life. Overwhelmed by the fact that the chick flicks are so untrue.  Overwhelmed by friends planning weddings, getting engaged, getting married, having kids.  This year, I'm relieved to be where I am.  I'm relieved that I'm relieved.  Call it an attitude change or a real honest answer to prayer, but for the first Valentine's Day ever...I'm not anticipating that tiny ache that goes along with the day.  For the first time in my life I think I'd run away from romance if it came my way because its the last thing I want.  My self-identity is for the first time ever not dominated by my singleness.  Sigh of relief.

Life is good.

As for a run of the mill life update...I have sent in my tuition deposit and am starting to pull myself into the preparation mode for a big move across country in September.  I literally still can't believe I'm going, but I have never felt more assured that I'm making the right move.  I have major discernment issues in life.  I changed my major 3 times officially.  I date the wrong guys.  I get myself into weird situations.  I guess I can't guarantee that I'm making the perfect one here either.  And by perfect...I mean easy.  I tend to quit when the going gets rough, which may explain the changes in majors/flakey relationships.  If something turns me off even just a little bit, I peace out.  I realize that by moving all the way across the country and paying out the nose for an expensive private education, I am abandoning my liberty to change my mind. This is it.  And as scary as that may usually feel for my non-committal self....I feel so sure about it.  So pumped.

The scariest portion of planning this move right now is the realization that if I decide to live in a studio apartment without roommates I am going to be living in a shoebox that costs 3 times as much as my apartment in Spokane.  Holy cow.

So, all of you should start planning vacations to the East Coast, and you can come hang in my shoebox!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Full. Rich. Short.

"O Lord, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days;
let me know how fleeting I am!" Psalm 39:4

I think until you are truly faced with death in a really personal way, this doesn't take hold of your heart.  I haven't faced it much yet.  But I have seen one of my best friends lose her dad in an instant.  Without a chance to say everything she would have wished to say if she had known the opportunity needed to be taken.  I have watched my Grandma slip away and realized that I never tried my best to let her know what she meant to me.  So I guess maybe this blog is about opportunity and risk taking and being vulnerable because God made us to be just that.

I'm really struck currently by how precious and short life is in the imminently terminal illness that has hit the father of one of my old small group family members.  It has me grieving for her personally.  It has me feeling heartbroken for her family and helpless that there are no words to  even make a dent in making it better....from me or from anyone else.  Death is such a tragic reality of life, and as I think about it more, I also believe that it can serve as a valuable reminder of how precious our relationships and interactions truly are with those around us. 

As I see it, we were made for just such a time as this.  In this place...in these circumstances...with these people....in these moments.  Everything is purposeful.  I guess some people don't buy into that, but I buy into it completely.  In fact, I'd stake everything on the fact that God has me right where I am for a definite reason. And I can't help but fully believe that I'm wasting it if I'm taking it for granted.  He doesn't owe us another breath or another day or another year.  He doesn't owe us anything.  This building could fall down around me and I'd be gone, and that would be it.  If I ask myself if I'm taking advantage of today and not waiting for tomorrow to make my moves, I'd be lying if I said that I am.  There is always next year.  There is always 5 months from now.  There is this countdown that I've made in my head until the next step in life, but truly...I'm midstep right now.  Why try to skip ahead?  How much am I missing RIGHT NOW by "looking forward" to everything else.

And relationship wise...don't even get me started.  I'm so bad at reminding the people I love that I love them.  And yeah Facebook is nice and I can instantly post an "I miss you and I love you" on a friend's wall....but that sentiment has to be lost immediately after it is read.  Great...I love you enough to take 2 seconds out of my day to make you feel special....how about taking 20 minutes and writing a letter that actually means something?  Or calling someone and letting them know you are thinking about them...just because.  Oh my gosh.  I am terrible at this.  You know what my beautiful and dear friend who lost her dad got to do the day before he died?  She spent the entire day in the vet clinic with him because her dog had gotten a hold of some medicine that he shouldn't have.  Time.  She spent time with him.  She shared life with him one last time and will cherish that day for the rest of her life even if it was unglamourous and unplanned and seemed unimportant at the time.  Or the day that my Grandma died, I got a letter in the mail from my roommate in Tahoe.  It was such a simple act, but I truly can't describe how much that letter meant in that moment.  Sometimes written words are as meaningful as time in person or an actual hug.  I can't help but think we are missing the point relationally. We aren't taking enough time to be intentional with people.  We aren't reminding people we TRULY love them.  We are arguing and spreading drama and gossiping and wasting time.  When it hits you, it's like a wave...and I'm being hit by a tsunami right now.

So if I'm not guaranteed tomorrow and if I'm not guaranteed another opportunity to tell you that I love you...what the heck am I doing?  And I mean tangibly what do I need to challenge myself to do to really take hold of life and LIVE it.  I refuse to write some blog and walk away and still go about my business like I have been for the last few years...swept up in technology, swept up in waiting for the next big thing....swept up in myself and what is easiest....  Because for those of you that are reading this....I love you.  Individually and specifically.  I love that you love me enough to read this rambling.  I am blessed and flattered that you have come alongside me in life and are willing to call this crazy girl your friend.  And I want to say that more...and I want to show that more.

 Life is meant to be full and rich (and short). Don't let yours be lacking... 

I like it...I like it a lot.

Don't you wish weekends were longer?  Maybe that is what vacations are for?  Hm.  Not getting any of those anytime soon.

I've got some really strong "likes" and "dislikes" going on currently, and because I have a complete lack of other things to talk about...this blog will be dedicated to those.

Do you want the bad first?  Sure...let's do that.

DISLIKES

5) Slick roads/sidewalks.  I would just like to say that I've experienced 3 very distinctive concussions throughout my life...and I've heard it reported that you are at a greater risk of...
a) dying
b) getting Parkinson's
c) not being able to speak correctly anymore
...if you suffer more than 3 concussions.  I'm right on the edge.  Living dangerously if you will.  Well, as I walked to work today I questioned why I wasn't wearing a helmet....because those roads are a 4th and life changing concussion waiting to happen.



4) Cat scratches.  I wish it were humane to get this little monster declawed.  Don't worry, don't worry.  I won't.  But I will continue to threaten it.

3) Washing dishes.  Least favorite chore in the entire world.  It used to be cleaning the bathroom, but for whatever reason, cleaning the bathroom is now one of the first things I do...as I'm putting off dishes.

2) The idea of giving up sugar for Lent.  Now, in the spirit of the organization that I'm employed by, I figured I'd go the way of the Catholics and give up something of importance for Lent.  I could give up Facebook, but I am afraid my social life would dwindle beyond what it has already dwindled to.  I'm a winter-induced shut-in.  Like the elderly (minus the bad hips and false teeth).  So instead I'm giving up the one thing that I both need to give up for my own health and that will be the MOST difficult thing I could possibly consider.  Sugar.  I am a sugar fiend.  Less so than one of my co-workers who literally licks frosting off cupcakes...but still....I have my weaknesses.  I also have cavities...and sugar doesn't help.  So, out it goes.  And I will literally be tempted every single day for the entire 40 days, so it will serve its purpose of reminding me of the significance of Lent itself.  I still hate thinking about it.




1) Waiting to hear about grad school.  I have become a compulsive e-mail checker.  Not only that, but I feel like I hear something about the city I am hoping to move to EVERY DAY.  It is haunting my life.  I find myself looking on Craigslist for cute apartments.  I daydream about weekends at the beach.  I fantasize about living in a city whose baseball team may actually reach the playoffs....oh man.  I should know anytime between this week and the first week of February, but realistically I wanted to hear about 2 weeks ago.  Let's get this together.  And then the next step (if I either don't get in or don't get the financial aid I need) is to find another option...which sounds worse than this waiting.  Praying that my heart it let down easy if it needs to happen that way.


LIKES

5) Crafting (specifically from the Martha Stewart website):
Let's face it.  Martha Stewart is a criminal, but she knows her way around a craft room.  Today I made tissue paper pom poms to brighten up my apartment, and thank you to Martha...because it worked.  I also stashed away the few Christmas decorations that I had up....time for Spring.  Now if only the weather would cooperate.



4) The Art of Racing in the Rain



I borrowed this book from my dear friend Whitney after eyeballing it for a long time at every book store I came across.  I am a choosy book buyer...I really contemplate my choices.  So, getting the chance to read it for free was a huge gift!  And it's incredible.  Turns out I could have paid full-price and it would have been completely worth it.  Now it's not another typical animal book....I know where your hesitation may lie.  I also love those books (the ones with the "no-eyed cat" or the deformed dog), but this is totally different.  And it's making me glad I live alone, because the tears are flowing pretty consistently with this one.

3) Speaking of living alone....I LOVE my apartment.  I think I've voiced this before, but I'm coming up on a year of living in this particular building and I am more and more in love with it every day.  I think what strikes me currently about this spot is that I may be moving by late summer and I don't know if I will ever find an apartment that is this cute again.  It is white and clean and cutely decorated and functional and cozy and warm and bright.  Oh man.   I always thought that living alone in a super cute apartment was something that I'd love to do...and low and behold, it actually happened.  Excellent.  This will definitely be the last time in my entire life that I pay less than $400.00 for something this great....realistically something like this would go for $1000.00 in most big cities.  Gotta love Spokane's cost of living.

2) Dancing like a crazy person.  Did you know that some members of the church (depending on denomination) don't believe that dancing is appropriate?  Unbelievable.  Certainly I won't stand in the way of their set of beliefs, but I am SO thankful that my beliefs are the exact opposite.  I just love the joy and happiness that you can see in people that are being silly and letting loose!  I just watched the most ADORABLE video of a groom and his groomsmen surprising his bride with a choreographed dance to a Justin Bieber song.  So great...how can you not love that? 

The Biebs Dance

Thinking back on college, most of my favorite moments involved a dance floor.  I just had the greatest group of friends that were willing to let their guards down and have fun with each other. I loved it.  This reminds me of that.

1) Leggings

I have given in on every level to the trend of leggings.  I used to be that girl that silently judged people that wore leggings with t-shirts...instead of under dresses.  It seemed kind of revealing and a little like too much information.  Well, you know what?  I'm all about sharing too much information these days, because I could live 24/7 in leggings.  I have managed to acquire quite the stash over the last year.  I have gone over to the dark side.



P.S.  I actually like this hipster outfit so much I may try it out tomorrow.  After church...I feel like church is the one sacred spot where you keep your pants on.

Will you accept this rose?

I really hate when I am obnoxiously cliche'.  I am sometimes though.  I enjoy shopping...I sometimes go just for fun.  Yuck.  I own mostly chick flicks. I'm 25, single and own a cat.  I like America's Next Top Model....ew. But worse than any of that, I'm addicted to the Bachelor.  Much like a nagging drug addiction, I would require total detox and rehab to get myself out of this hole I have found myself in.  But considering my lack of willpower...that isn't going to happen.

My true love affair with the Bachelor started back in college with the season where Jason dumped Melissa on live TV after having proposed to her on the finale.  It was devastating...and it got me hooked.  I've come back for more every season since then.



This season's Bachelor is the sloppy seconds of last season's Bachelorette, and strikes me as a total punk.  I have pretty good radar about whether someone is a punk or not, and he definitely is.  But c'est la vie...onward!

The sheer ridiculousness of this show can be captured all within tonight's episode.  Thus far, Ben "The Not so Bangin Bachelor" has taken one girl on a date to climb the Bay Bridge in San Fran.  I literally cannot think of anything less romantic than climbing up the side of a bridge. Oh wait.  Yeah, I can.  How about how unromantic it would be if I did that and then pooped my pants whilst climbing.  Pooping pants on a first date is kind of frowned upon, I'm afraid.

After conquering the Bridge, they then ate dinner on a pier and had their own personal fireworks show.  Don't know about you, but I'm unsure that happens in real life?  If I ever want to have a romantic firework filled moment, I will also be sharing it with the 10,000 other people who have crammed into Riverfront Park for the show.  Talk about setting unrealistic standards.

Then in the group date immediately following this involved skiing in swimsuits down a street in San Fran.....



1) Trashy
2) I've been a ski bum....and I've gotten snow down snowboarding pants that have safeguards against that.  I don't want to know what would happen with a swimsuit.
3) Trashy.....

Last but not least, as if you needed more reasons to not get into this unless you are already addicted, if any one of those girls had a lip fungus...all of them would have it. Enough said.  I believe that brings me back to my "trashy" point. 

I'm turning on the History channel immediately after this is over.  Or reading War and Peace.  Anything to remind myself I'm still smart.

Dolla dolla bill ya'll

I sometimes wish I could backtrack about 5 years in my life when I had zero debt looming over my head, a car that worked, a carefree college experience, bright eyes and unabashed hope about what the future had in store....it was so much easier.  Now I have LOTS of student debt and more coming, a really snazzy bike (but sadly no car), a not-so-carefree post-college experience, and eyes that hurt and glasses that need a new prescription (but you need good insurance for that....soooo). 

About 10 minutes ago I almost put myself into cardiac arrest when I went to change my addresses on my loans and found that I was $850.00 behind on my payments....I looked into it closer and the loans were for something that I don't have loans out for......  Turns out, I think, that the page was a "sample" of how their webpage payments worked.  Holy cow...what kind of whacked out move is that to make?  Can you imagine how many people have logged in and thought they were looking at their ACTUAL loan payments.  Good thing I don't seriously have heart issues....I'd be a goner. 

I hate loans.  I guess it isn't even the loans I have a problem with..it is bills in general.  I wish all my bills were paid in one fell swoop every month.  Nothing freaks me out more than knowing I have to make sure that I get my rent check in, my Avista bill paid, my Comcast bill paid, and any loan payments I have paid.  Holy smokes... and all on different days.  I miss the days in college when I paid rent and utilities to one of my roommates on the 1st and the bill paying was over.  There seems to be so much more on the line these days...like my financial future.  AUGH!

You know what I don't understand?  Having a car payment, student loan payment, credit card payment, mortgage payment, and then having kids on top of it.  I am SO not mature enough to handle that...

ha!

I made my first real budget this month....I've never really needed one because I'm a pretty good saver and am pretty careful with my money in general.  However, I have big things in mind for this year, and a budget is a necessary evil.  No need to divulge the dirty details, but I do only have $30.00 a week in fun money, so if you see me spending more than that....punch me in the face.

Can you tell I have money on the mind?  I'm not sure I can stand not knowing about grad school (which is a BIG money issue for the next two years) for another 3 weeks.  The planner in me wants to know RIGHT NOW and then the other part of me knows that God knows where I'm headed next year already and that I should chill out.  Turns out being a control freak is useless....

But because I sometimes don't have enough optimism in my life...here are a few things to be optimistic about right now.

1) Snow is coming this week.  We haven't had much this year yet.  I guess it's kind of a pain, but its also beautiful....I could use some beauty.

2) Valentine's Day is coming up this next month.  This holiday usually sucks as a single person, but I actually really love it.  This year there is a great chick flick coming out in the theaters (Channing Tatum...all the Valentine's gift I need). Also chocolate and flowers are amazing and I usually am lucky enough to receive both in some capacity...

3) I finished cleaning out my closet and officially only own clothes that I adore.  Enough of that ugly shirt that I've held onto all these years because I didn't have a good replacement.

4) Even if I have a ton of bills to pay...one thing to remember is that at least I have the cutest apartment ever that I'm paying rent for and I was fortunate enough to get to go to school when some people don't have that opportunity.  I'm officially done complaining now!  :)

Have a BEAUTIFUL SNOW FILLED WEEK....and if you are unlucky enough to live somewhere where it never snows...go stick your head in your freezer.