"O Lord, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days;
let me know how fleeting I am!" Psalm 39:4
I think until you are truly faced with death in a really personal way, this doesn't take hold of your heart. I haven't faced it much yet. But I have seen one of my best friends lose her dad in an instant. Without a chance to say everything she would have wished to say if she had known the opportunity needed to be taken. I have watched my Grandma slip away and realized that I never tried my best to let her know what she meant to me. So I guess maybe this blog is about opportunity and risk taking and being vulnerable because God made us to be just that.
I'm really struck currently by how precious and short life is in the imminently terminal illness that has hit the father of one of my old small group family members. It has me grieving for her personally. It has me feeling heartbroken for her family and helpless that there are no words to even make a dent in making it better....from me or from anyone else. Death is such a tragic reality of life, and as I think about it more, I also believe that it can serve as a valuable reminder of how precious our relationships and interactions truly are with those around us.
As I see it, we were made for just such a time as this. In this place...in these circumstances...with these people....in these moments. Everything is purposeful. I guess some people don't buy into that, but I buy into it completely. In fact, I'd stake everything on the fact that God has me right where I am for a definite reason. And I can't help but fully believe that I'm wasting it if I'm taking it for granted. He doesn't owe us another breath or another day or another year. He doesn't owe us anything. This building could fall down around me and I'd be gone, and that would be it. If I ask myself if I'm taking advantage of today and not waiting for tomorrow to make my moves, I'd be lying if I said that I am. There is always next year. There is always 5 months from now. There is this countdown that I've made in my head until the next step in life, but truly...I'm midstep right now. Why try to skip ahead? How much am I missing RIGHT NOW by "looking forward" to everything else.
And relationship wise...don't even get me started. I'm so bad at reminding the people I love that I love them. And yeah Facebook is nice and I can instantly post an "I miss you and I love you" on a friend's wall....but that sentiment has to be lost immediately after it is read. Great...I love you enough to take 2 seconds out of my day to make you feel special....how about taking 20 minutes and writing a letter that actually means something? Or calling someone and letting them know you are thinking about them...just because. Oh my gosh. I am terrible at this. You know what my beautiful and dear friend who lost her dad got to do the day before he died? She spent the entire day in the vet clinic with him because her dog had gotten a hold of some medicine that he shouldn't have. Time. She spent time with him. She shared life with him one last time and will cherish that day for the rest of her life even if it was unglamourous and unplanned and seemed unimportant at the time. Or the day that my Grandma died, I got a letter in the mail from my roommate in Tahoe. It was such a simple act, but I truly can't describe how much that letter meant in that moment. Sometimes written words are as meaningful as time in person or an actual hug. I can't help but think we are missing the point relationally. We aren't taking enough time to be intentional with people. We aren't reminding people we TRULY love them. We are arguing and spreading drama and gossiping and wasting time. When it hits you, it's like a wave...and I'm being hit by a tsunami right now.
So if I'm not guaranteed tomorrow and if I'm not guaranteed another opportunity to tell you that I love you...what the heck am I doing? And I mean tangibly what do I need to challenge myself to do to really take hold of life and LIVE it. I refuse to write some blog and walk away and still go about my business like I have been for the last few years...swept up in technology, swept up in waiting for the next big thing....swept up in myself and what is easiest.... Because for those of you that are reading this....I love you. Individually and specifically. I love that you love me enough to read this rambling. I am blessed and flattered that you have come alongside me in life and are willing to call this crazy girl your friend. And I want to say that more...and I want to show that more.
Life is meant to be full and rich (and short). Don't let yours be lacking...
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