I guess you could call it my mid-annual life crisis....I have one every year....its not a big surprise. Usually it means changing jobs or moving or going on a crazy expensive vacation because I just need to get away. None of those are an option at this point. I have no money to go anywhere awesome and I just moved and kind of love my apartment....so, no need to make a change there. Also, I have secured my job for next year, which is awesome and a huge blessing from God, but also is preventing me from making changes in that area of my life. So where do I go now.
I think this mid-annual life crisis is more about the little things. I'm overwhelmed with how bad I am at certain things. I'm really bad at keeping up with my dishes. I hate doing dishes. In fact, I'd trade in all my dishes for paper plates and plastic utensils if I could and if that were even remotely environmentally sound. So, a half a week after pledging to not let my dishes pile up....my dishes have piled up. My apartment also looks completely disheveled....in general I have clean clothes piled up to be put away and somehow they have been mixed in with dirty clothes and a pile of shoes that need to be put away.....I am a terrible organizer of my things. Which might not matter that much if I didn't feel guilty that my belongings that I have paid money for and care about to the extent that I liked them enough to buy them.....are now laying in a senseless mess on my floor. Nothing like working with homeless people who literally have nothing to remind you of how selfishly you treat the things that you have been so blessed to be able to afford to buy.
I'm also really bad at making committments and sticking with them. Let me allow you in on this in my head.....I love people. I love having really incredible moments with incredible people. It brings me life. However, I also love being alone. I love reading and listening to music and being in my own space. So, attempting to balance what little free-time I have outside of my uber-stressful and not always fun job...has been a challenge. I always always get to a point where I overcommitt myself and then I can't keep up with my committments and then I feel guilty for not being emotionally available for those committments anymore. I never realistically look at my life and think....I really can't have something scheduled out for every single night of the week. That is unhealthy. And not ok. I never think this because that was exactly what I did in college....and I loved it. But that my friends is the big difference. I'm not in college anymore. I'm realizing how much more real the real world is.
I'm also bad at not getting emotionally involved......so I adopted this sweet little cat that had a goofed up little leg but was young, and I assumed was pretty healthy. In fact, he got a clean bill of health on his first vet visit and then the sh*t hit the fan and the wall around the fan and all over the floor and everywhere. All of a sudden he got these little blisters on his nose and he now has a diagnosis of an auto-immune disease where his skin is essentially attacking itself. In response to this, he started meds that aren't working and now is facing a biopsy of his nose. So, I haven't gone into debt yet for this little guy, but its in the near future. And sometimes I complain....because it sucks. Who adopts a 2 year old cat and assumes that he will be really sick within a few months of getting him. Not I. So I think I have a right to complain a little.....yes...I want a little cheese with this whine. But most of the suggestions I have received from my complaint recipients have revolved around me tossing him into the river or sending him back where he came from. First of all....gross. Second of all.....you can't break up love. I, by adopting him, have pledged that I will be in love with him forever until he isn't mine anymore....and because I am completely emotionally involved.......that will be until he croaks from his skin eating itself.
Oh, and I'm wasting a lot of food. I need help with this. Realistically what I need is a roommate who will help me eat my leftovers, but my favorite roommate in the world has decided that God has called her to Australia and probably for way longer than I would like....so, I need to get over that!
Thank you for allowing me to vent those things....haha.
In better news....here are some things I'm ok at.....and on good days, I'm really good at.
Finding hot deals at thrift stores. I scored some white Cons for $5.00 at Goodwill. I also got a shirt that makes me feel like I'm on summer break on the Cape.....yellow....stripes...canvas ties...now all I need is the East Coast and I'm set.
I have good handwriting....I can always fall back on the compliments I receive from that one...
I'm awesome at daydreaming about my upcoming weekend trip to Oregon and the fact that I finally get to see the Oregon Coast and I get to do it with one of my favorite people in the whole world......
And I'm good at looking younger than I am. Sucks now....will be great when I'm 50. When we were at the Guinness Factory they had samples on one of the floors....and when I went to grab my sample, the girl behind the counter reminded me of the legal drinking age and questioned whether I had reached that or not. The legal drinking age in Ireland is 18.......
No comments:
Post a Comment