Raymond Hull
Something that has been on my mind lately is how crazy important it is to be yourself. Dumb. I know. We were told this from a very young age....and for some reason, we all still become something that is a strange mix of whoever else we hang around.
Which is fine....as long as you have solid influences. But then what I'm discovering is that at some point (for me and for most people I know...it's once you are done with college), you feel as though you have a really definite sense of who you are. You strongly hold opinions, you have a way of doing things that you feel is right, you are passionate about distinctive things, you know what is worth arguing over and what you won't budge on, you couldn't care less about other things, you are really good at some things and so bad at other things that you have come to terms with avoiding them. You know what you want out of life at this point. So then what happens when the people around you can't cope with that...or can't figure out how to interact with you because of it.
I guess maybe what I'm bothered by is the people that love you and are a daily part of your life and that can't support you in who YOU are (not the person that they wish you were). This has been an issue lately in my personal life and in the life of my friends, and has caused me to examine why it is that I treat others that way and why it hurts so much when I'm treated that way.
Honestly what I've come down to is that its a pride issue. You want people to agree with you. You believe that you have all the right ideas, therefore it makes sense that you should expect others to fall in line.
Take parenting. I've sat through several conversations about childbirth in the last year, and I've realized it's a heated topic. Natural vs. not natural (of which I am personally a fan of the latter). Turns out though that it matters a lot how you choose to handle this REALLY private and personal choice. It actually matters to the point that people will get in friendship-ending arguments about which way is right and which way is responsible. Kind of crazy. This could be applied to a lot of things....personal things that don't really matter that much but that people heft so much emphasis on that you can't avoid an argument.
In my life for example....
1) I like cheaply unartistic musical masterpieces. I have been known to blast the Beiber. I think Lifehouse is amazing. I would pay money to go to a country concert. I know....I'm pretty unsophisticated.
2) You know Twilight? Yeah. I like it. I'm excited for November, and not because of Thanksgiving. :)
3) I hate healthy foods. I think bread with more than 7 grains of anything is overkill. I like flavor in my food. I also love meat.
4) Cats are my favorite. Crazy cat lady jokes are only ok if I'm the one making them. But thank you for informing me that I will be lonely for the rest of my life....
5) I will have drugs involved in the labor of my children.....and I'm pro-spanking.
6) I'm 75% more likely to cry in a sad movie when an animal dies than when a person dies.....and although that made me feel like a bad person for a lot of years, I've finally come to terms with it.
7) Being really fashionable is a waste of my time and money....and I refuse to be that focused on how I appear to others.
8) I hate NASA....I think they are a waste of our government's money and they aren't that cool anyways.
9) I think caring about grammar is annoying...I type with a lot of elipses....and I like it.
But look how much you (even in reading that list of things), probably felt a little bit of judgment about at least one of those. Or maybe a lot of judgment. And think of how personally you could actually take one of those things although none of them matter at all, they are just things that make me who I am.
And then on the flipside of that....and what I'm working through right now....is how I would feel if someone disagreed on one of those things. Not even just disagreed personally....if they vocally disagreed with one of those things. Those 9 fairly unimportant things that shouldn't cause a disagreement or judgment or hostility because they don't really matter. But I might take it personally too.
I guess I'm trying to take a solid inventory on where my judgments on others are being heaped....and whether they are valid. Whether its so much a problem with them as it is a problem with me and my heart. There are so few things that REALLY truly matter in this world. But there are so many petty things that annoy us about each other that can get in the way of friendships and relationships. In addition to that, I'm trying to not take it personally when someone disagrees with me and has to make a scene about it. Because it's just like when I make a scene about something I'm passionate about. It's my passion...it's my insecurity....it's my pride. And its not the other person's fault for having their opinions...it's my fault for being threatened by them.
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