Be Yourself....Be Yourself

"He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away".

Raymond Hull

Something that has been on my mind lately is how crazy important it is to be yourself.  Dumb.  I know.  We were told this from a very young age....and for some reason, we all still become something that is a strange mix of whoever else we hang around. 

Which is fine....as long as you have solid influences.  But then what I'm discovering is that at some point (for me and for most people I know...it's once you are done with college), you feel as though you have a really definite sense of who you are.  You strongly hold opinions, you have a way of doing things that you feel is right, you are passionate about distinctive things, you know what is worth arguing over and what you won't budge on, you couldn't care less about other things, you are really good at some things and so bad at other things that you have come to terms with avoiding them.  You know what you want out of life at this point.  So then what happens when the people around you can't cope with that...or can't figure out how to interact with you because of it.

I guess maybe what I'm bothered by is the people that love you and are a daily part of your life and that can't support you in who YOU are (not the person that they wish you were).  This has been an issue lately in my personal life and in the life of my friends, and has caused me to examine why it is that I treat others that way and why it hurts so much when I'm treated that way. 

Honestly what I've come down to is that its a pride issue.  You want people to agree with you. You believe that you have all the right ideas, therefore it makes sense that you should expect others to fall in line. 

Take parenting.  I've sat through several conversations about childbirth in the last year, and I've realized it's a heated topic.  Natural vs. not natural (of which I am personally a fan of the latter).  Turns out though that it matters a lot how you choose to handle this REALLY private and personal choice.  It actually matters to the point that people will get in friendship-ending arguments about which way is right and which way is responsible.  Kind of crazy.  This could be applied to a lot of things....personal things that don't really matter that much but that people heft so much emphasis on that you can't avoid an argument.

In my life for example....

1)  I like cheaply unartistic musical masterpieces.  I have been known to blast the Beiber.  I think Lifehouse is amazing.  I would pay money to go to a country concert.  I know....I'm pretty unsophisticated. 

2) You know Twilight?  Yeah. I like it.  I'm excited for November, and not because of Thanksgiving.  :)

3) I hate healthy foods.  I think bread with more than 7 grains of anything is overkill.  I like flavor in my food.  I also love meat.

4) Cats are my favorite.  Crazy cat lady jokes are only ok if I'm the one making them.  But thank you for informing me that I will be lonely for the rest of my life....

5) I will have drugs involved in the labor of my children.....and I'm pro-spanking.

6) I'm 75% more likely to cry in a sad movie when an animal dies than when a person dies.....and although that made me feel like a bad person for a lot of years, I've finally come to terms with it.

7) Being really fashionable is a waste of my time and money....and I refuse to be that focused on how I appear to others.

8) I hate NASA....I think they are a waste of our government's money and they aren't that cool anyways.

9) I think caring about grammar is annoying...I type with a lot of elipses....and I like it.

But look how much you (even in reading that list of things), probably felt a little bit of judgment about at least one of those.  Or maybe a lot of judgment.  And think of how personally you could actually take one of those things although none of them matter at all, they are just things that make me who I am. 

And then on the flipside of that....and what I'm working through right now....is how I would feel if someone disagreed on one of those things. Not even just disagreed personally....if they vocally disagreed with one of those things.  Those 9 fairly unimportant things that shouldn't cause a disagreement or judgment or hostility because they don't really matter.  But I might take it personally too.

I guess I'm trying to take a solid inventory on where my judgments on others are being heaped....and whether they are valid.  Whether its so much a problem with them as it is a problem with me and my heart.  There are so few things that REALLY truly matter in this world.  But there are so many petty things that annoy us about each other that can get in the way of friendships and relationships.  In addition to that, I'm trying to not take it personally when someone disagrees with me and has to make a scene about it.  Because it's just like when I make a scene about something I'm passionate about.  It's my passion...it's my insecurity....it's my pride.  And its not the other person's fault for having their opinions...it's my fault for being threatened by them.

Can I have it?

I have a few things I'm totally obsessed with right now.....

And by obsessed....I mean....ready to start a fan club.

1) A smattering of really "feel good" jams....
My favorites right now are "Good Life" by OneRepublic, "Never Leave This Bed" by Maroon 5, "Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not?" by Thompson Square, and "Tonight, Tonight" by Hot Chelle Rae. 
They are all pretty catchy, totally cliche (which I'm really digging right now), and pretty non-explicit (unlike some of the trash on the radio right now....S&M by Rihanna.....yuck...garbage).

2) Cheap headbands
Have you looked at prices on headbands lately?  $5.00 for something I could make for almost nothing.  Unacceptable.  Also, most of them are kind of ugly.  For as much as I appreciate Forever 21, I sometimes have to look through the entire store to find something that doesn't make me look like I'm 17.  It should be called Forever 17.  Anyways, deciding I was going to buck the headband trend and make my own, I went to the fabric store and bought strips of a few different fabrics and have created a masterpiece. The dumb part of it is how easy it is.  You fold the cloth strips up and tie them up in your hair.  No sewing required.  And for 4 of them, it cost me $1.30.  HA!  Take that!  Perfect for summer beach days!

3) Cupcakes
I'm obsessed....after watching Cupcake Wars, I officially want to open my own cupcake business and help make people fat.  Thankfully I get an opportunity to make this happen this next weekend at my best friend's bridal shower... :) 



And I really am semi serious about opening my own business....any business partners out there?! haha

4) Really feminine, flowery clothing...
I have gone through a lot of stages in my clothes...where I've loved jeans and sneakers and t-shirts...when I've loved really bright colors and really flashy accessories....etc....  Well, I'm currently in the phase where I love rustic, feminine, whites, browns, and greys, and flowers and pretty girly accessories.  Only problem is that I seriously cannot do anything about this new interest as I need to be saving money for my time off in August.  :)  Ha!

Happy Monday!  Do something nice for yourself today!  I am by cleaning my apartment.....because although I hate doing it, it feels so good once its done!!  :)

Portlandia

4 days of much needed R&R in the Portland area = refreshing!

I was born in Portland so the place holds a lot of special memories for me and also holds some of my favorite people.  When I was little, I was always so proud to announce that I was an "Oregonian"....and not from Spokane.  You could say it was my calling card....I was cooler than everyone else because I wasn't from here.  I may have thought that and announced it to everyone....but its kinda true too!  ;)

But seriously, this weekend was certainly refreshing.  We drove through the old neighborhood and drove past the motel that Grammie stayed in one time when I was about 3 years and which I affectionately named "Grammie's House".  I could have sworn she lived there for real....  We also explored the Rhodedendron Garden which is located right across from Reed College, which was completely beautiful.

 They do weddings...I sure wish someone would do a wedding there, because I'd love to see that one played out!  So beautiful! 

Speaking of wedding spots...check this place. Imbrie Hall in Hillsboro (went there with the Boboths for dinner) and it looks like they put on a pretty good party too....I should be a wedding planner.  I love them so much I could talk about them all day.

My only experience with Reed College is from the book "Blue Like Jazz", so when I saw the sign I was
a) really excited to see the place that Donald Miller always talks about...
b) really interested to see if it was as "hippy, liberal" as he describes.

We parked in an overflow parking lot right next to the tennis courts, and that brief moment was all that I needed to realize that the man knows what he is talking about.  If you were to drive past the tennis courts at Eastern you would see people in gym shorts and sneakers.  Reed College tennis courts.....all I saw were earth tones and birkenstocks.  One thing about Portland is that I'm not alternative enough for it.  I'd be one of those annoying people who actually like athletics and don't wear all organic clothing...my bad.

Catching up with family was pretty sweet as well.  I've been blessed with a really ecclectic group of people that have helped turn me into the person that I am today, and I got to see almost all of them this weekend!  My uncle works at Nike and lets just say he gave me all new meaning to name for the Nike Free shoes....haha.  I am riding pretty with some new hot pink kicks (and blue...and yellow)!  LOVE!

But my absolute favorite moments were spent with my wondeful friends, Laura and Cole!  I have read Laura's blog since its inception, so I know of how romantic Cole is towards her and how thoughtful she is towards him, so it should have come at no surprise that they would go above and beyond to make my day special.  Laura had read my Bucket List that I posted last week and they planned a few treats for our trip to the beach.  Lets just say I officially get to cross off the one about visiting both oceans, the one about building a huge sandcastle with a moat, the one about flying kites, AND the one about sending a message in a bottle.  Thoughtful?  I thought so too.

Spending time with Cole and Laura reminds me how blessed I am with the friends that I met in college. I firmly believe that God made us to live in relationship with one another in a really intimate and personal way, and he has blessed me beyond belief with people who have taken the time to get to know me in that way. I love how diverse we all are and how different all of our hearts are, but also how much we all have grown to find commonalities and grown to love each other for our differences.  And as for Cole and Laura....they are two of my favorite blessings in my life and in the lives of so many I know.  Seperately they are two of my favorite people and together they are such a great picture of what a Godly relationship can and should look like.  Thanks you two for a wonderful weekend and such a show of hospitality.  And Laura....mail me some of those cinnamon rolls....I'm not sure I got my fix.

So back to the grindstone.....but at least I have a bag of salt water taffy to take with me.

Figures....

I have a real bone to pick with the President tonight, and I realize that I often get up high on my soapbox and don't have much to back myself up....but I feel pretty confident I do on this one.  So, this little tiny high school in Washington (Bridgeport) was selected as one of the top 3 schools in the contention to have President Obama as the commencement speaker.  Strangely enough, in the aftermath of a natural disaster (extreme flooding), Obama chooses a larger, high profile school in Memphis.  Not saying those kids in Memphis don't deserve to have the President come speak there....but I am so bothered by the fact that it very much appears to be a cop-out to get publicity for his upcoming presidential campaign.  All politicians at that level are so good at playing the games that they need to play to get them the votes, and it looks so much better for him to devote his time on a school that has been hit hard with something like that.

Aside from that...the main part of my soapbox is that I want to acknowledge that what the Bridgeport high school students have done is INSANE and phenomenal, and I believe that they deserve more than a big pat on the back for their efforts.  Get this, every person in their graduating class is actually graduating. Granted its only a 200 person school, but I saw the pictures and there was a room of at least 50 kids.  I can completely guarantee that at my school, if we had even just 50 kids, not a 100% of them would graduate.  Also, every single person in their graduating class has been accepted and is attending college in the Fall.  That is unheard of, especially in a school where 100% of the students are receiving free or reduced lunches.  I went to a school full of snotty rich kids from the South Hill, and our percentage of college attendees was way lower than that. And we aren't talking a private school in a rich neighborhood, we are talking about kids that are at a disadvantage economically and who mostly come from families where the parents may or may not speak English.  I'm totally jazzed about high school students who are working with their upbringing and taking the challenge to attain great things.  That's why I loved College Bound so much and why I see myself dedicating my social work career to high school students.

I think the big bummer is that on the edge of all of this are huge budget cuts in education and huge lay-offs (even in the Spokane area).  I have friends that are being affected by it.  This country is blundering our education system...hands down.  No explanation would convince me otherwise.  I hate it.  Especially when, although I'm not going to be a teacher, I'm dedicated to the idea that everyone deserves a chance to make it.  We are failing those kids that deserve that opportunity.  We are failing those parents who wish for their kids to have opportunities that they never had.  I shouldn't have been able to go to college, because my parents didn't have the money to fund it.  Its was made possible only through the incredible teachers I had who helped me land those grades and the grants and scholarships that I was able to land because of those grades.  I fear there will be more kids in my position who can't afford it or perceive that they can't and just give up.  Makes me sad. 

So props to Bridgeport High School seniors....if you don't think they are cool....then I don't think you are cool.

What a life!

So earlier last year I created a bucket list, and as I was doing some spring cleaning...I happened upon it again and realized that a few of my little life dreams have already happened this year!  Horray for that!  Wow, I can be so productive when I'm not thinking about it!  But seriously....this is full of non-profound things that I've love to accomplish in life at some point because I feel like God placed me here to experience.  Mostly I want to experience these things with the people I love.  Some of them are easy and others are less likely or maybe so bold that I may never have the guts to accomplish them.  But here is where you...the reader...comes in.   If you can help me accomplish any of these things, let me know!  I sure do want to! And literally everything on here would be more fun if done with friends!

1) Run a half marathon
2) Finish Bloomsday in less than 1 hour and 10 minutes. (missed this by 14 minutes this year...dang!)
3) Go fishing (and actually catch something)
4) Play golf on an actual golf range.
5) Learn to say basic phrases in all of the major languages of the world.
6) Learn how to REALLY play the guitar.
7) Do a polar bear swim.
8) Go firewalking in Hawaii (or anywhere).
9) Drive cross-country (in the US)
10) See someone I love fall in love with Jesus (Finished....amazing....this is a good one to see marked off my list)
11) Witness a flash mob in person/participate in a flash mob.
12) Hold a koala.
13) Watch turtles hatch in person.
14) Visit the Grand Canyon.
15) Go to Europe (HORRAY!!!!!  This was a big big dream of mine, so I'm glad to mark this one off the list as well.  I'd love to go back again and again.)
16) Visit the site of the Twin Towers.
17) Skate at Rockefeller Center.
18) See the Northern Lights.
19) Visit Biblical sites.
20) See a show on Broadway.
21) Swim in the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. (I feel ok about just putting my feet in....in which case, I can mark this one off after this week!)
22) See the Eiffel Tower (This was pretty much my favorite experience in life thus far...I cannot tell you how badly I wanted to pee my pants when I saw this in person....especially up close!)
23) Go back to Tahoe (I almost want to make this "Get married in Tahoe"...but I can't be that picky, I suppose!)
24) Ride a cable car in San Francisco.
25) Go to a Mariner's/Yankees game.
26) Attend an Oktoberfest.
27) Hike a whole mountain without complaining the whole way.
28) See my niece and nephew graduate from high school.
29) Learn to play cribbage.
30) Fly a kite. (Cannon Beach - May 2011...Thanks Cole and Laura!)
31) Learn how to juggle a soccer ball.
32) Make a cheesecake successfully.
33) Fall in love.
34) Become a parent.
35) Stay best friends with my best friends.
36) Learn to garden.
37) Read the Bible completely all the way through.
38) End up in a career that makes me come alive. (strangely enough, that happened this year.  I love social work.)
39) Pay off my student loans before I have to.
40) Get my Masters.
41) Read Systematic Theology.
42) Get a tattoo.
43) Shoot a gun.
44) Pierce my nose again.
45) Watch Gone with the Wind.
46) Keep a daily journal every day for a year. (I'm in the midst of this right now, and I love it.)
47) Be better at reminding people how much I love them.
48) Get a really nice camera and learn to take amazing pictures.
49) Make a scrapbook.
50) Read all the Russian classics (working on Anna Karenina for the last couple months...I got distracted by other books)!
51) Watch every Academy Award winning "Best Picture" for the last 20 years.
52) Quit Facebooking so much.....
53) Purposely don't date anyone for 6 months...and really enjoy the time. (This year has been really awesome for me and my single heart, because I've come to realize that I can do it alone....if I have to.  And I can enjoy it.  I've never been more content in my life right where it's at than the last year or so....aside from a few moments of panic...haha.). I even find myself avoiding situations where I know I'm only going because my motives aren't in the right place.  That's a first.
54) Find a street sign for "Danielle Street". (Thanks Mom!!)
55) Volunteer regularly.
56) Consciously seek out experiences that expand my sense of who I am and what I'm capable of.
57) Have at least one really cutely decorated room in my house.
58) Live in an apartment with no roommates at least once before I settle down.  (Rockin it baby!)
59) Visit the Mediterranean.
60) See one of my favorite artists live (this means....The Script, Coldplay, Lifehouse, Mumford and Sons, or Keith Urban...haha.)
61) See a baseball game in all of the major baseball stadiums.
62) Get invested in the World Cup.
63) Go to the Olympics (crossing my fingers for London!!!!)
64) Kiss someone under mistletoe.
65) Go for a horse drawn carriage ride (did it, but it wasn't romantic....and that is sort of what I meant when I put it on here....)
66) Buy a concert t-shirt.
67) Hike to the top of Mt. Spokane (we hiked Mt. Kit Carson which is right next to this....so, I count it.  Hardest thing I've ever done in my life.)
68) Visit Mt. Rainier.
69) Go to Leavenworth at Christmastime.
70) Go horseback riding.
71) Learn to read music.
72) Visit all 50 States (and I do count airports because you are physically in that state, so I added Utah and Jersey this year...take that!)
73) Make a positive difference in someone's life.
74) Learn how to make pottery.
75) Actually enjoy a beer.
76) Come up with a specialty dish that I'm awesome at making (Philly Cheesesteaks....best in town)
77) Milk a cow.
78) Own a dog.
79) Learn to drive a stick shift.
80) Send a message in a bottle. (Cannon Beach -May 2011!  Cole and Laura are so thoughtful!)
81) Smoke hookah.
82) Build an epic sandcastle (with a moat) (Another Cannon Beach moment!)
83) Take one picture a day for a year.
84) Go puddle jumping
85) Drink a healthier amount of water...as a habit.
86) Host a really awesome dance party.
87) Break a bone while doing something epic.
88) Invent a cocktail.
89) Try pole dancing (and by this I mean in a very non-professional and non-explicit way....like a gym class...haha).
90) Take a yoga class.
91) Stand on the Equator.
92) Carve my initials on a tree.
93) Get decently good at snowboarding.
94) Have eggs benedict.
95) Hold a tarantula.
96) Live somewhere other than the West Coast (even for a short period of time).
97) Visit Texas
98) Take a tour of Safeco.
99) Make it to a Gonzaga Basketball game at the Kennel (thank you Danae!!!)
100) Remember that even if half of these aren't accomplished...my life is totally complete in Christ and what he did for me.

For better or for worse.....

I will one day complete my run-through of my Ireland trip, but my all over the place mindframe is not allowing me to do that today...or any of the last few days since the last time I posted.  It truly has been a hectic few weeks....which I know I always say....becuase life is hectic for me almost always.....but seriously.  I mean it this time. 

I guess you could call it my mid-annual life crisis....I have one every year....its not a big surprise.  Usually it means changing jobs or moving or going on a crazy expensive vacation because I just need to get away.  None of those are an option at this point.  I have no money to go anywhere awesome and I just moved and kind of love my apartment....so, no need to make a change there.  Also, I have secured my job for next year, which is awesome and a huge blessing from God, but also is preventing me from making changes in that area of my life.  So where do I go now.

I think this mid-annual life crisis is more about the little things.  I'm overwhelmed with how bad I am at certain things.  I'm really bad at keeping up with my dishes.  I hate doing dishes.  In fact, I'd trade in all my dishes for paper plates and plastic utensils if I could and if that were even remotely environmentally sound.  So, a half a week after pledging to not let my dishes pile up....my dishes have piled up.  My apartment also looks completely disheveled....in general I have clean clothes piled up to be put away and somehow they have been mixed in with dirty clothes and a pile of shoes that need to be put away.....I am a terrible organizer of my things.  Which might not matter that much if I didn't feel guilty that my belongings that I have paid money for and care about to the extent that I liked them enough to buy them.....are now laying in a senseless mess on my floor.  Nothing like working with homeless people who literally have nothing to remind you of how selfishly you treat the things that you have been so blessed to be able to afford to buy. 

I'm also really bad at making committments and sticking with them.  Let me allow you in on this in my head.....I love people.  I love having really incredible moments with incredible people.  It brings me life.  However, I also love being alone.  I love reading and listening to music and being in my own space.  So, attempting to balance what little free-time I have outside of my uber-stressful and not always fun job...has been a challenge.  I always always get to a point where I overcommitt myself and then I can't keep up with my committments and then I feel guilty for not being emotionally available for those committments anymore.  I never realistically look at my life and think....I really can't have something scheduled out for every single night of the week.  That is unhealthy.  And not ok.  I never think this because that was exactly what I did in college....and I loved it.  But that my friends is the big difference.  I'm not in college anymore.  I'm realizing how much more real the real world is.

I'm also bad at not getting emotionally involved......so I adopted this sweet little cat that had a goofed up little leg but was young, and I assumed was pretty healthy.  In fact, he got a clean bill of health on his first vet visit and then the sh*t hit the fan and the wall around the fan and all over the floor and everywhere. All of a sudden he got these little blisters on his nose and he now has a diagnosis of an auto-immune disease where his skin is essentially attacking itself.  In response to this, he started meds that aren't working and now is facing a biopsy of his nose.  So, I haven't gone into debt yet for this little guy, but its in the near future.  And sometimes I complain....because it sucks.  Who adopts a 2 year old cat and assumes that he will be really sick within a few months of getting him. Not I.  So I think I have a right to complain a little.....yes...I want a little cheese with this whine.  But most of the suggestions I have received from my complaint recipients have revolved around me tossing him into the river or sending him back where he came from.  First of all....gross.  Second of all.....you can't break up love.  I, by adopting him, have pledged that I will be in love with him forever until he isn't mine anymore....and because I am completely emotionally involved.......that will be until he croaks from his skin eating itself. 

Last but not least.....I'm really bad at calling people back.  I think it stresses me out and I have it in my head and then I fail to do it in a timely fashion and then I think of it again.....and then it feels like I've ignored people and I start to stress even more.  I hate talking on the phone so its one of those things that I put off and then if I put it off....I immediately forget to do it.  Vicious cycle. 

Oh, and I'm wasting a lot of food.  I need help with this.  Realistically what I need is a roommate who will help me eat my leftovers, but my favorite roommate in the world has decided that God has called her to Australia and probably for way longer than I would like....so, I need to get over that! 

Thank you for allowing me to vent those things....haha.

In better news....here are some things I'm ok at.....and on good days, I'm really good at.

Finding hot deals at thrift stores.  I scored some white Cons for $5.00 at Goodwill.  I also got a shirt that makes me feel like I'm on summer break on the Cape.....yellow....stripes...canvas ties...now all I need is the East Coast and I'm set.

I have good handwriting....I can always fall back on the compliments I receive from that one...

I'm awesome at daydreaming about my upcoming weekend trip to Oregon and the fact that I finally get to see the Oregon Coast and I get to do it with one of my favorite people in the whole world......

And I'm good at looking younger than I am.  Sucks now....will be great when I'm 50.  When we were at the Guinness Factory they had samples on one of the floors....and when I went to grab my sample, the girl behind the counter reminded me of the legal drinking age and questioned whether I had reached that or not.  The legal drinking age in Ireland is 18.......