Weekend Update

What a crazy hectic week this has been, followed by an equally crazy and hectic weekend!  My birthday was Friday, which led into a really fun weekend of overindulging in food and drink, spending time with the family in Coeur D'Alene, receiving a beautiful new black teapot and a very lofty stack of books to add to my ever growing stack of reading material that I'm TRYING to find time for and having lots of laughs with friends! Thanks to everyone who made this weekend special....even those that couldn't be here!  :)

In other news, my epic journey through disastrous apartment maintenance is coming to a close...as another issue has popped up that doesn't seem as though it will be able to be resolved.  Therefore, my landlord is asking me to move next door to a new apartment, which is relatively frustrating and becoming increasingly more inconvenient.  Out of the next 11 days, I'm working 10 of them, so finding time to move is going to be really challenging.  Thankfully it is only 20 feet down the hallway, but still....  I guess more annoying than the moving is the fact that I am completely settled in here.  I have all my paintings and pictures where I want them....I have my furniture where I want it.....I'm a creature of habit and this is really throwing me off.

Also, in inspecting my belongings that I am going to be dragging out of my door in a few days, I have come to realize that I have an unusually large amount of clothes that I'm starting to feel is pretty unacceptable in general.  I'm a big bargain shopping, because there isn't much guilt in buying a $5.00 Mountain Hardware jacket if you can find it.  HOWEVER....there is guilt in looking at your closet after 5 years of doing that, and realizing that you now own more clothes than most African villages own all put together.......

So, this is a season in life where I'm starting a fresh.  My responsibilities at work will be changing with this new year.  I'm moving apartments.  I have things in the future that I am trying to save for....exciting things.....  Therefore, I need to quit spending money on bargains, because lets get real, I've found enough of them....time to leave the bargains for someone else.  So, pledging to not buy any clothes for the remainder of the year is excessive and is setting me up to fail, so I'm going to go on a month by month basis.  So, as of today, for all of the month of August, I'm not buying any clothes, shoes, accessories, etc...  I don't need anything....in fact, I need to get rid of things because my closet is starting to want to vomit out the extras.  Unless I get holes in my underwear....then I can make an exception!

Speaking of clothes....I was reading a few fashion blogs the other day and found myself kind of overwhelmed with annoyance at the whole thing.  Have you ever read a fashion blog?  They can be written by people that are involved in the industry or who are just interested in fashion, but they are kind of unnerving when you have zero interest in being trendy at all or when you feel like the fashion industry is pretty corrupt and decently worthless on a broader scale of "meaningfulness in life".  They post pictures posing in whatever it is that they have assembled to wear that day...typically in unnatural poses that you might never in your whole life actually pose in.  Poses like this....

The "over-dramatic, duck face, let me turn my ankle in a way that looks like it might break" pose.

"The "Bam!  I've got hips....look at them!" pose.

This particular get up consists of freshly washed hair....a natural freakishly white glow....a t-shirt from Catholic Relief and a pair of really worn out running shorts.  You like that?  If you ever want styling tips, please feel free to contact my assistant....

This week may resemble one of those weeks that just makes you want to rip your hair out, so if you don't hear from me for a while.....I may just be busy.....or I may be bald....

Much love!

Dani

Feel you in the wind

I'm reading a book right now called "Nine Ways God Always Speaks".  I figured it might be hokey, as it is hard to judge Christians books by their cover.  You never know when you might pick up a Joel Osteen-esque book and immediately regret your decision, but this one is causing me to think....and that is a start.  I guess I'm not very open to hearing God speak to me, which is pretty ridiculous considering I firmly believe that is possible and that it happens.  I can even think back on moments in my life where I feel like God has spoken to me, not in an audible sense, but in a way that I couldn't ignore.  Usually circumstances line themselves up in just such a way that despite my best efforts, God is planning on telling me something and wants me to move in a certain direction.  Or maybe he shows me love in a really specific way that only he could.

Like today, I had a ridiculous day at work.  Before my Mom could even get home and get a call from me explaining how beat up emotionally I was, she called and asked if I was ok and took me out to dinner.  No explanation necessary.  All afternoon I had been thinking of how I needed to spend time with someone tonight and not come home to an empty apartment, and God answered in such a small, but significant way.  It is that call from a friend when you have been thinking about them all day and wishing you could hear their voice.  Or it is that letter that you get in the mail on an especially difficult day.  I am thankful that the people in my life are receptive to the prompts that God gives to act in my life and in the lives of others, and I'm thankful that he is all-powerful and cares so much about the details of "me".

This all made me think about a story that my dear friend Mollie told me last year...which I love retelling, because I think although it sounds unbelievable, it is a sweet reminder that God is ever present and hears our prayers.  Mollie's dad died two years ago when his car was tragically hit by a drunk driver.  So, one weekend, Mollie was driving down the Tri Cities to visit a friend who lives there.  She was nearing her final destination when something went awry with her car and she was stranded on the side of the road.  She tried calling ahead to her friend in the Tri Cities and he wasn't picking up his phone.  She then tried calling another friend just for some emotional support as panic was starting to set in.  He also didn't pick up his phone.  At this point, she was alone on the side of the road with a broken down car and no one to help her.  She said that she remembers stopping and actually saying "God, I just wish that my Dad were here...he would know what to do".  Such a real moment in a girl's life...Dad is always the person that you call when something goes crazy with your car...it is a given.  At this point, her friend she was heading to visit called back and got directions as to where she was stuck and started to put a plan into motion to come pick her up.  In the process of this conversation, she heard her call waiting beeping on the other line.  Figuring it was the other friend she had called as a last ditch effort, she ignored it...help was already on its way.  She said she didn't check her phone again until later.

When she was scanning through missed calls later, she came across one that was completely explainable, and the reason I have a story to tell.  During her call with Justin, the phone call she had ignored had come up on her caller ID as "Dad's cell".  Now, further background information....Mollie's dad had died in July of 2009, and this was many months after that.  Far enough past the accident that his cell phone had been turned off.  There was no logical explanation as to why her Dad's number would have popped up on her phone....and I remember going through this reaction of disbelief and struggling to understand this when I first heard this story.  It is something out of the movies, but I believe it happened and I believe there is no explanation other than the fact that God heard Mollie's prayer and decided to respond in a tangible way.  To show her she wasn't alone ever in His midst and to remind her that her Dad is never as far away as he feels.  Mollie called the number back....afraid of what she might find, but it was disconnected.  We talked a lot about what would have happened if she hadn't ignored the caller ID and had looked at the phone while it was still beeping, but ultimately decided that God must have known exactly what she would do and that it wouldn't have happened if that had been the case.

I can't tell how powerfully this story changed my view of how personal God is.  When I saw that name on Mollie's phone, I couldn't believe what I was seeing, and honestly it challenged a lot of what I believed of God.  I have always been really leary of really visual signs that God is present....miraculous signs I guess.  I know Jesus performed miracles, but I know a lot of people over the ages have taken non-miraculous happenings and tried to pass them off as something more.  I guess I had dismissed the chance that something tangible like that could present itself in this day and age....and the whole thing really freaked me out for a while.  It was such a supernatural experience and honestly is way past my understanding, but I know God was responsible for it.  No doubt in my mind.  You can't dismiss something like that as easily as you can dismiss other ways that he shows his love to us on a daily basis....the little ways.

I don't know....I can't say why I was reminded of that or why it felt like the perfect thing to write for tonight, but it did.  Hopefully someone gains encouragement from it or at least spends some time thinking about it!  :)

Much love!

25 years in the making.....

This Friday marks a quarter of a century of life that God has so graciously blessed me with...and I figured I would look back to provide a few laughs and a little perspective on what life has sent my way over the years.

1986: My mom hesitated just long enough and I was coming too quickly and they wouldn't allow her to have any pain medications when she gave birth to me.  Hey, my parents did always tell me that "drug free was the way to be"...I was just respecting their wishes.  This just teaches me a lesson that I will start getting epidurals a week in advance to avoid anything like that happening to me.  I expect drugs...and I expect lots of them.

1990: My family decided to make the ever enticing move back to the Spokane from Portland this year.  In fact, we have some pretty attractive photos of me at my 4th birthday party in Spokane, wearing some sweet neon garb. This year was the year that my fear of dogs began.  My Grandma had a Jack Russell named Sparky that had it out for me in a major way.  The backyard was not a safe place.

1992: First grade.....first day.  I'm completely nervous.  I'm feeling as uncool as I look.  My parents walk me to the front door of my classroom and I am asked by my teacher what my name is.  Every normal kid in the world just says their name.  I spelled mine. D-A-N-I.  Typical.  First grade was rough for me.  I went to the school nurse every single day for several months with complaints about some fake illness.  Eventually my teacher and my parents caught on that I was faking it and that the temperatures that I was putting out at the nurse's office were produced by me crying and getting myself all worked up.  My teacher put a thermometer in her desk and would take my temperature in the classroom before I could start crying......smart lady.  Foiled again.

1994: Solid year.  Lion King came out.  I had a Lion King themed birthday party.  And I got stuffed animals that together created an entire menagerie.  I even had a stuffed Simba that purred when you squeezed him.  Hello!  Awesome!  You ever wonder what happened to your stuffed animals you got rid of?  They are probably unhappy at a daycare, like the Toy Story toys.  Now I feel bad.

1996:  This year completely rocked my world.  I was Obsessed (the capital "O" is accurate in this case) with the 1996 Atlanta Summer Olympics.  I was glued to the TV for the gymnastics competitions, and somehow obtained every form of USA Gymnastics paraphernalia that I could get my hands on.  I was especially into Dominique Moceanu, who now looks like this......



Probably not doing the flips anymore like she used to!

1999: 8th grade was solidly the worst year of my life.  I got into this funk where I got behind on school work and then couldn't seem to un bury myself.  I failed a few classes...which being a straight A student up to this point was devastating.  Let's be honest.  I was too into boys and being cool to put in the effort that I had before those two things became so important.  For my birthday this summer, my friends threw me a surprise birthday that I totally knew about.  What a bummer.  My one chance at a surprise party and I knew everything....I even helped plan it.  All I really remember is that my friends dedicated Joe "I Wanna Know" to me over the radio, and that I didn't really appreciate it, because they weren't a 13 year old boy dedicating it to me...they were my 13 year old girl-friends...so ungrateful.

2000: Whew, made it past Y2K to tell about it.  That was a close one.

2001: Certainly a memorable year for all the wrong reasons.  Unbelievable that our country was so changed in just an instant 10 years ago.

2004: All that ridiculous perfectionism paid off and I graduated at the top of my class and landed a killer scholarship to WSU.  Can't argue with people that want to completely pay for your education.  I was supposed to have really strict rules until I turned 18, and I remember that a few months before my birthday, my parents gave me the gift of "no more rules."  I could decide how late I wanted to stay out and whether or not I called to check in.  Let's be honest.  They probably only did that because of a few reasons.  1) They wanted me to have a little freedom before I went off to college and totally let loose.  My birthday is so late in summer that it would have landed just about 2 weeks before I started college....they wanted me to have some "grown-up decision making" under my belt.  2) They know I wouldn't dare do anything stupid, so not having a curfew really didn't make any difference anyway!

2006: This year was so weird.  Looking back, it doesn't make any sense....but then it makes perfect sense all at the same time.  I had a lot of first's this year....first car....first kiss....first boyfriend....first supervisor position at work....first time living in the dorms at Eastern (yeah....WSU didn't work out...in case you were wondering!).....and the first time falling in love with Jesus in a real way.  Such a sweet year...so much purpose.  Lots of heart ache and hard lessons, but so much purpose.  Oh, and the first kiss was awful.  So bad I actually made a face of disgust.  That was the first and last where that came from.

2008: This was the year I should have graduated, but in true Eastern fashion, I decided to send my hard earned money to the financial aid office and stick it out for another year.  I spent my summer in Lake Tahoe, which was unbelievable.  Enough said about that.  I talk too much about that as it is.  Best birthday ever...laying on the beach in 90 degree weather....all day.  My skin is going to retaliate for the damage I did that summer....

2009: I decided to give Eastern the boot (or vice versa) and I donned that infamous cap and gown and claimed my well-earned, pricey piece of paper signifying I'm worthy of hopefully one day holding a real job!  :)

Seriously though, it put an end to the most incredible 4 years of my life with the most incredible people that I could have ever asked for.  I have glossed over this period of time in my life in this particular blog, but I just can't even describe how much my college experience meant to me.  So blessed.  Such a reminder of how much God loves me.  My birthday in 2009 was by far one of the strangest and the most wonderful of my whole life.  I was working in Moses Lake with high school students along with this crazy group of college-aged staff members.  At midnight on my birthday, they shoved cake in my face (apparently that is culturally expected and acceptable in Mexican-American culture)....who knew?!  Pretty great start to my day.  I got Happy Birthday sung to me so many times I can't even count, and they busted out the Mother of all Pinatas for me to smack around.  They strung this sucker from the top floor of the building we lived in and let me take swings at it.  So epic.  Such a different birthday to be away from family, but it is something that lives on as one of my favorites still.



July 29th, 2010: "Drink it Dani....drink it....drink it". - Erin Cooper pressuring me to consume more alcohol than I should.  Oh Erin.

2011:  And we have arrived.....hope you enjoyed that journey through time.  We'll see what this 25th year brings...and all the years that follow!  For now though, I'm just blessed to be doing something that I enjoy and living life fully!

Bad taste...

I have been told a lot recently that I'm overly picky when it comes to the foods I like.  I guess it's true.  I am not really all that into a lot of really normal things.  Like peanut butter and jelly....or peanut butter and just about everything.  The stuff has a kinda crazy texture....has no one caught onto that but me? 

Beer also sucks....I have tried so hard to like it and I just end up giving it to someone else who can handle their alcohol better than me.  Why does something so popular and so widely accepted taste so terrible.  UGH.

One that drives my co-workers nuts is my total distaste for all things chicken.  Chicken is the pinnacle of grossness to me.  I think it comes back to the time that I ate raw chicken accidentally...how I avoided salmonella I have no idea.  But that one experience left me thinking..."I ate an entire piece of chicken before I knew it was raw"....therefore...I could totally do that again considering how blonde I am.  So I avoid it.  Not to mention the rubbery veins in chicken make me want to stab my eyes out.  They are straight up the consistency of snot.  Chicken must be inexpensive, because people are ALWAYS making it....come on people.  Throw a little pork or beef into your diet...or better yet....fish sticks!  :)

But the one that is really throwing my family off currently is my total dislike for one of my family's favorite go-to's for Friday nights.  For as long as I can recall, my parents have made the Friday night trip to Papa Murphys to pick up the bane of my existance.  PIZZA.  Seriously....why is this such a wildly popular food.  You know what is even weirder....they make some pizza with chicken on it.....really?

But seriously.  I guess I liked it at some point.  I do have a favorite pizza joint that I will go to willingly (Rocky Rococos), but that is ONE out of the entire pizza-making community.  And Benneditos sometimes....but more for their breadsticks.  And even then, I can only go about once every 6 months.  You see what happened is this.  Pizza is a classic go-to for any class party we had in high school and for every sporting event that we ever gathered into dorm rooms to watch.  It was cheap....it was easy....and no one complains about pizza.  Except for....you guessed it....me.  On my 13th birthday we went to Benneditos and I got a single slice of pizza that happened to be riddled with pubic hairs.  I returned it only to receive another piece with more curly surprises.  Being 13, and being mortified, that image will never ever leave my brain.  Dominos is worse than anything though.  Dominos commercials actually make me want to gag.  I can't quite put my finger on what I dislike so much.  I suppose it is the combination of everything.  I love the cheese and the toppings, but once I pick those off...my fun is over.  This isn't saying I don't eat a few pieces every now and then.  Food is food, but why waste your eating time on something so mediocre when the world has so much more to offer...I challenge you to find me a pizza I love...that would be quite the feat!



So I apologize to all my friends and family for my excessive pickiness....I know bringing me up was certainly a challenge for my parents, because what do you feed the child who hates everything?  Ice cream!!!

Just a few things...

Mid-July.

Here is where I'm at in life:

1) I have the worst maintenance man in the entire world.  Being as it was Saturday last night...I stayed up til 1.  Being as it is Sunday today, I expected to sleep in until 9.  Solid 8 hours of sleep.  FALSE.  Mr. Awful himself was next door sawing wood, drilling and nailing at 7:30 in the morning in the wall right next to mine. Over the span of the last hour or so, I can't count how many strings of expletives I've heard coming through the walls...along with loud singing.  This is the same maintenance guy that likes to sweat through his shirt while he is working on my apartment and then take it off for the remainder of the job.  If anyone needs to go on a diet, just come over to my house when he is around.  You won't eat....the whole experience is too visually disgusting.

2) I had a realization yesterday that summer is nearly over....not to be a Debbie Downer or anything, but this last month is going to fly by and then it is going to be fall again.  I don't know about anyone else, but I'm pretty over having basically 3 months of good weather and 9 months of garbage.  What is this?!  Was it always like this, or do I just care more now?

3) This week marked the end of my AmeriCorps term at the House of Charity.  Granted, I'm doing another one and am working for the month in-between, but it is a strange thing to come to the end of this year.  I have several co-workers who I am going to miss to the point that I actually can't imagine working without them.  We have all bonded in really extreme ways this year because this work is so impossibly hard some days.  We had no choice but to work through the challenges together and see the worst sides of each other and come out the other end.  And saying goodbye is probably my least favorite thing in the whole world.  I remember when I left Tahoe, I felt like my life was ending.  haha.  But seriously, life is a crazy adventure and a lot of times people come into yours for just a season and then things change again...and this is one of those times. We get new co-workers coming in mid-August and our BSW practicum student is going to be coming on as the new AmeriCorps, so its comforting to have one familiar face on board!

4) I have a bridesmaid dress that I'm debating on whether or not I should get it altered or not.  I'm afraid altering one part of it is going to make another part of it really unflattering.....should it look good or should I be able to breathe?!  Such a dilemma.  I'm leaning towards looking good.

5) Harry Potter was the most epic 2 1/2 hours I have ever sat through in my life.  I am 100% satisfied with that movie going experience.

6)  Now is the time for me to drag my sleep deprived butt out of bed and face the world, so enjoy the start of your weeks....and please....always be wary of shirtless maintenance men.  They are up to no good.

Dani

Contentment

There truly is something to be said for finding a place of contentment in your life.  I think I have often wanted to say that I feel content.  That I feel secure with my job.  That I feel secure with the fact that I live alone and don't have that companionship that most of my friends do.  That I feel ok with the fact that everything in life has changed since college ended, and although it hasn't been perfect....that it's ok.  But I haven't really felt that way....despite wanting to.  I have felt sort of abandoned.  Sort of out of the loop and unsure how to figure out where I stand and what my value is.  Most of the time I feel like I don't measure up, and yet somehow I want to put on this facade like I do.  


I hit a turning point this last week somehow....maybe because I have chosen to listen to God's voice instead of glossing it over with my version of things.  Maybe because I'm realizing that by always wishing life was something else...something just a little bit better and a little bit happier, I'm trading in something really valuable for nothing in return.  I have written on this stage in life before....and as I look back, I've seen real growth.  Honestly this period in life has been really difficult, because it isn't what I had expected all along.  Its 100% different than how I always envisioned my life being at this age, but you know what?  


When I really kick back and consider what I have, I newly feel so content despite the discomfort.  That may not make sense.  I have been praying a lot this week and trying to listen to God about where he has me in life and what he is working on.  We had a church sermon on Sunday about suffering in life.  I wouldn't say I'm "suffering" per say.  I know a lot of people who are truly suffering, so I'm not even going to go there, but I do know that discontent has riddled me for some time.  Evaluating where I am and seeing where I've been, I see such purpose in what it is that I'm doing right now.  I'm in this in-between stage, and although it isn't grand and it isn't exciting and it may feel lonely sometimes, I'm growing.  I'm discovering who I am and what I'm all about and what I stand for.  I actually for the first time in a long time feel like I can stand up for myself and chose something that is good for me purely because it is good for me....and not because it is the decision that will please everyone else.  


Some of that comes from my job.  I have been stretched to the max this year with the occupation that I have chosen to pursue, and it comes with a lot of ungraceful moments and a lot of learning wrapped up in them.  Working with people who have made some of the biggest wrong turns in life challenges me to evaluate the things that I perceive as wrong turns in my life, and question whether it is really a mess-up or just an uncomfortable moment.  God has such grace with my life everyday and he redeems the bad moments.  I have also learned a lot about who I am from my co-workers.  I was challenged with really different personalities this year to work with...people that I automatically clicked with, people that I had to work really hard to stand on a daily basis, and people who I had to work at to have a friendship.  People that come from every walk of life and challenge me and my values and my thoughts.  They have made me stronger in who I am, and more sure of where I stand.  They have also broadened my horizons and challenged me to be open to new things and new experiences and to not take life so seriously. Gosh, such a valuable experience this year has been in my life, and it is something that I never expected or wished for.  Am I content in that?  Yeah.  So content.


One value I have really been challenged with this year is my perceived notion that marriage is one of those milestones that should come at a time right outside of college.  2 years outside of college and counting and I've never seriously dated anyone and have been completely out of practice for 5 years. It isn't an easy road to take...and I know I perpetuate it.  I'm a picky person.  I refuse to settle and I haven't met or come to the point with anyone that I could even remotely see myself settling down with.  And it isn't easy when you go to wedding after wedding or pass one anniversary after another and realize that life is going full speed for everyone but you.  It isn't easy and it isn't fun to talk about, but realistically I know that if any of my married friends were in my place....they would feel the same way.  Being in this place sucks a lot of the time, and it isn't easy to not believe that everyone else has narrowly escaped this fate except for me.  BUT....and here is the important part of this...I've reached a point where despite the discomfort....I'm growing content with this.  And it is because I see myself growing.  I see myself being fine-tuned and turning into the woman that God has created for some great guy out there that remains to be named.    God made us to be in relationship, but he also never promised that "relationship" would come before we are 25.  In fact, he never even promised that "relationship" would mean marriage.  And low and behold, I have been blessed with outstanding relationship with my beautiful and handsome friends and my encouraging family.  Yet another thing to find contentment in.


“We may pass violets looking for roses. We may pass contentment looking for victory.”


This is such a sweet stage in life.  I sometimes feel like my life isn't flowing with overwhelming happiness, so that means that there is a problem.  Realistically it means...that is life.  Life isn't a movie...no matter how much Hollywood wants to prove otherwise.  It isn't ever going to flow perfectly....but the fact of the matter is that there is such purpose in the way it flows.  Every experience that I have leads me down another path, and what business do any of us have to question the path we are on and pretend like we could do better on our own?  There is such peace in realizing it truly is out of our hands (thankfully) and that the end result will be so much more impressive than we ever could have imagined.


Almost 25 years old and I'm feeling wiser....does it show?    :)