All Hallows Eve

Can I just say I have a thing for Halloween?

As I find myself this year, in the land of Halloween...here are my thoughts.

1) I was sick on Halloween last year....and couldn't dress up.  This year I am without a costume, and don't really have plans to get one.  I am turning into an old person...its official. And I'm oddly ok with it, because Halloween ends up costing a lot of money and is kind of exhausting.  There is something so peaceful about forgoing the costumes for a night of pumpkin carving with friends instead.  But I so look forward to sharing the subway with a menagerie of scantily clad zoo animals. Oh college.

2) In light of that, I have had some really great costumes over the years.  This one is top in my books. I'd re-do this one over and over if I could.  It did make the bathroom a challenge though, and we all know how much I go to the bathroom.  Bad news bears.

3) I have two favorite Halloween movies.  Hocus Pocus and Casper.  Now when I say that I love Hocus Pocus, I tend to draw a hefty amount of judgment from my Christian friends.  Yes, my mom thought it was ok to expose me to witchcraft as a young child.  No, I never dabbled in witchcraft as a result of it...phew. Close call.  Shoot, I was way more likely to become a wizard, look how cool Harry Potter is.  Hocus Pocus and Casper are cool for two very different reasons.

A) Hocus Pocus is cool because it is set in Salem, MA...which I don't know if you know this, but I basically live there.  Half hour away...close enough.  It is also cool because the main character's name is Dani.  She was the first girl I ever experienced as having my name.....and turns out she isn't even real.  Disappointment.

B) Casper is cool because its the ultimate romance.  Girl becomes best friends with ghost. They fall in love. Ghost sacrifices for girl. Ghost gets to play Cinderella for the night.  Ghost turns into Devon Sawa....seriously, doesn't get better than that!

4) Pumpkin carving is torturous. The seeds are gross. The guts smell bad.  I'm typically within an inch of ending my life by way of tiny, jagged pumpkin knive.  It's bad news all around.  But it is so worth it when you take cute pictures of your lit up pumpkins all lined up in a row.  

5) I can't wait to be the parent that checks every piece of her kid's Halloween candy to make sure no psychos have shoved razor blades in them.  I feel so bad for the people that seemed just sketchy enough that my mom internally memorized what candy they gave us so that we could throw it away later.  I remember one house we went to had this guy answer the door, and he had painted a third eye onto his forehead.  His candy definitely got tossed later that night...

6) Speaking of trick or treating....why the heck does Halloween land in the fall?  Because I never once got to wear my cute ballerina costume or princess costume without a pair of sweats or jeans underneath and my heavy winter coat over top.  Way to kill a sweet costume, you stupid weather.

7) Home Improvement Halloween episodes are a little slice of heaven.

8) Bobbing for apples is filthy.  It's like being Catholic and drinking off the same wine glass as the entire church.  UGH.

9) Tis the season for scary movies, and I want it to be over.  As much as I love a good natured scare right around Halloween time, I am NOT into having a commercial for Paranormal Activity play 3 times during every commercial break on Hulu.  That trailer haunts my dreams.

10) I was a "bum" for Halloween once.  And I'm a social worker...who has a history of working with the homeless.  I'm the worst.

11) I think I should dress Scooter up even if I have no costume plans of my own.  What do you think of this?

Anonymous

Boston is a busy spot.  It is diverse.  It is constantly moving.  I really love it.  And one aspect that I really loved upon arriving here, I must admit, was not knowing the name of every homeless person on the street.  In Spokane, after two years of working directly with a healthy percentage of the homeless on the streets there, I felt like I couldn't go anywhere without being noticed.  I wasn't anonymous anymore, and they weren't anonymous anymore.  Sometimes it was a good thing, but most of the time I just craved that anonymity again.  I wanted to be able to be in the grocery store without having a conversation with everyone that approached me.  I wanted to be able to wear that short dress out with friends and not have to answer about it on Monday when I got teased about it by someone that saw me.  But as much as I wanted my privacy back, I also desired to not know anything about their hardships anymore.  When you work with people and walk alongside people in that way, everything about you ends up changing.  Your personal politics change.  Your attitude towards your own life and your own circumstances change.  Your biases get tossed or strengthened...depending.  I found myself unable to walk past a homeless person in any context and assume that they suck as human beings...and there actually had been something comforting in that before.  Being oblivious had been great...it took the responsibility off of myself....because it was their fault...it was their problem...not mine.

Now as I arrive here...wishing for some of that obliviousness to come alongside my newfound anonymity...I realize I have no shot of ever having that again.  Homelessness continues to break my heart, and continues to be a driving force behind what I'm doing in social work. My field placement is passionate about human rights and happens to be deeply involved in issues surrounding homelessness and particularly some terrible laws that have been passed in Massachusetts in the last year.  Two of my 6 clients in my caseload are homeless or have been homeless in the last 6 months.  For all the effort I took to get away from this issue....I feel like I'm actually so swallowed up in it and it's so a part of my life, I may actually be linked to it forever.  For all those months that I wished to be here, I now wish to be home some days...I wish I knew what was happening in my guys' lives...I wish I wasn't so anonymous now.  I feel a deep sense of pain when I think of winter coming and the fact that some of our guys may not make it through and that I, in my haste to leave, probably didn't get any real closure with them.

I was riding on the Red Line up towards Harvard yesterday after work and I was standing alongside a multitude of other business people...all of us in our fancy outfits with our books open or IPods on.  I must admit...I've had enough really interesting bus/subway experiences that I tend to shut out life with a book, but I happened to be standing right alongside a guy who was not willing to be shut out.  He was clearly intoxicated and was rambling on about how his wife had died and about how we all thought we were better than him, and a multitude of other things that couldn't be deciphered over the din of the train.  I was just thinking yesterday of how long the Red line train is...and how strange it is when people happen to meet up with people they know on it.  What are the odds really that you would happen to be on the same train, let alone end up in the same car....out of the 20 odd cars on the train.  Now you can choose to just apply this to the likelihood of running into a friend...or you can apply it to the likelihood that you end up standing next to the one person on the train who actually needs some attention.  Figuring that my book could wait and that I could stand to abandon my "no eye contact rule"...I let this guy divulge his life a little bit.  And he was completely pleasant...and he was hurting really badly.  As I look back on that moment, I realize that I don't blame anyone for not paying attention to him, because he was relatively obnoxious, but I would have blamed myself if I hadn't paid attention. People looked on uncomfortably as this guy engaged me...probably thinking I was in over my head or stupid....or both.  And he said his two bits and got off at Central station and I'll probably never see him again.  He won't remember me, and I likely won't remember his face, but for two minutes he was allowed the chance to not be anonymous.

To say that my faith was strengthened while I was at the House of Charity would be a bit of a stretch.  It was really desolate.  It felt really hopeless a lot.  I felt really abandoned in a place that felt miserable some days.  But on the outside of that experience, as I look in, I find that I have a great deal more perspective, and I feel my faith growing as I process it more.  God is so present, even in the most dire circumstances.  The House of Charity is a place where God moves daily...in really big ways and in really small ways.....and it is so much easier to see from the outside in how specifically he is moving.  Along the movement front, one of my dear friends who I completed a church internship a few years ago is getting married in two weeks.  He is absolutely the most thoughtful man I have ever met...he is dedicated to God, he is passionate about people, he loves his son more than anything in this world, and now he also loves his bride-to-be in a way that is so self sacrificing and so beautiful. This man would come to the House of Charity to help with Urban Plunges for the church interns and would just melt into the environment...talking with the clients and listening to their struggles and offering a pat on the back or prayer.  He reminds me of why I am doing what I am doing.  He used to be a client at the House of Charity.  If I had been working there 6 or 7 years ago, I might have known him personally as a meth addict and thought he was a "hopeless case".  Instead, I know him as my friend and an inspiration and enough reason to keep fighting the good fight in this upward battle against homelessness.  I'm reminded when I look at him of how precious second chances are, and I'm challenged to consider my place in being a part of facilitating those second chances as I keep on with my career.



Shameless plug time.  The Poor Man's Meal is this weekend at the House of Charity.  In case you are in Spokane and want to support a worthy organization, please consider this one.  I love the House of Charity because it provides a "no strings attached" approach to serving others.  There are a lot of very selfless and loving people that work there, and I must say a big part of my heart remains there today and with the mission that they carry.  It starts at 11:30 and your ticket price is a donation...I believe its $10.00 a person.  Believe me, the meal alone is easily worth the $10.00...Tami is an amazing chef.  House of Charity runs very nearly on private donations alone, and in this rough economic time, they need all the help they can get.  Thank you for listening to my heart on all of this...love you all!

L is for the way you look at me

This past weekend I had the pleasure to attend something that was so reminiscent of foregone college days that it made my heart insanely happy.  I have gotten involved in my short time of being in Boston with a great church (Park Street...check it, it's REALLY old) and also a great on-campus group called Graduate Christian Fellowship which is the Boston University leg of Intervarsity ministries for Graduate Students.  They had their annual retreat up in New Hampshire on this beautiful "lake" (I say lake loosely coming from the Northwest where we have real lakes) and it was just a really great time.  It included all the requisite aspects of a retreat experience...time that I desperately needed to be with God, worship, a healthy amount of competition (kickball, cake decorating, board games), and time spent with people that love Jesus (this aspect is actually a little rare in Boston...the educated crowd in Boston to a large degree is also not interested in faith.)  Also requisite....the relationship panel. Now, in my Campus Crusade days, I sat through a number of relationship panels.  I went on Summer Project...which was basically a relationship panel in and of itself.  I went to a secular relationship seminar with my high school kids in Moses.  Everyone loves to talk about relationships...and I'm one of them.  But this time around, I didn't go.  I couldn't stand to sit through one more relationship panel and leave with that same old feeling of inadequacy and false hope in imaginary scenarios that I have made in my mind.

My college years were spent mentally chasing after every guy that I could.  I had serious crush after serious crush.  I had stupid crushes that I had no business having.  I watched most of my friends get married....sometimes to people I had liked. Yeah, that puts things in perspective. I can't even speak to how many minor and major heart breaks I have walked through in my college years and since college.  I have been burned...I have been strung along...I have walked down many paths in my mind and then been greeted with nothing.

But this isn't a "woah is me" blog....because I've had plenty of those.  This is meant to be an honest blog, because sometimes all the other voices drown out the single kids and we don't really have an opportunity to be honest.  And this is me being honest.

I would certainly be lying if I said that I don't have moments sitting at home alone at night studying or watching TV that I wish there were someone next to me other than my cat......who, granted, is very faithful...but not very interactive.  I would be lying also if I said I haven't cried some while considering this whole relationship thing after this weekend, because it is personal.  Being single is a personal thing.  Every person experiences it differently and to a different degree.  It hurts some people more than others.  I would say in college it really hurt me....it was a devastating characteristic of who Dani Haller was.  I struggled with figuring out what I was doing wrong and why it was so hard for me and why just about everyone else had succeeded in finding that perfect guy or girl.  I equated being single to failure....

Last Fall, I failed one more time.  I failed to snag that one last guy.  The one that I put an inordinate amount of hope in.  The one that I look back on and was so poorly suited to my personality that we never could have made it anyways.  And with that failure I gave up.  I quit trying, and blessedly....it has been a year that has allowed me a great sense of freedom.  God puts people in our lives for a reason, and that guy was not put in my life to be a viable dating option.  But did I learn from it?  Oh yes, I did.

I think that last guy really broke me up inside because it was a reiteration of the fact that you can't force someone to feel for you in a way that they don't on their own.  You can think someone is the most fantastic person in the whole world, but if they don't return those exact emotions back at you, it isn't going to happen.  And why would you want it to?  Why would you want to date someone who doesn't think you are the coolest person ever...without persuasion on your part?  That's what you are going for.  If they think you are just alright...that kind of stinks.  You know?  And it kind of stinks to assume that you should be able or should have to persuade them to think otherwise anyways.  I wonder what's wrong with acknowledging that they are still an incredibly person while also acknowledging that they are an incredible person that you shouldn't date.

The more I think about singleness, especially in the church, I realize that its counter-cultural to be semi-ok with being single.  Not just getting by while you are single, but actually thriving in that category of life.  I guess something I have considered this year is whether I am living well as a single person, because if I'm not living well as a single person, what do I expect that being a dating person will be like?  Mix another person's "junk" (I mean that in a figurative sense, not a literal one) in with my "junk", and think that we will come out the other end less junky than when we started?  Those problems don't get better because you add another person in the mix.  What am I doing in my life to work on the things that I actually believe God is calling me to work on before I get into a relationship.  I feel like we all have an inkling of what those things are. Now, I know God blesses us with relationships when we are still a MAJOR work in progress...but what about when you know that he is challenging you to work on something and you are waiting it out because you feel like you'll be able to work on it better when you are in a relationship.  Like having another person there for support will motivate you?  Nah...give me a break.  If you feel like God is asking you to move, you move...you don't wait for someone to move with you.  Maybe you are supposed to be totally done with the moving before that person gets there....even if its hard work and you hated doing it alone.

I think that single women in their mid 20s start to feel a sense of desperation.  I have felt that...I can relate.  That feeling that by the time you actually feel ready to date seriously, there won't be anyone left to date.  That feeling that if you are ready, none of the guys you are ready to date are ready to date you.  Or will ever be ready to date you?  The book "He's Just Not That Into You" really hurt my feelings when I first read it, because it was written about me....he was never that into me.  Ever. None of them.  Does that hurt my feelings now?  Somewhat, but its also OK  because where would my life be if "he" (any of the "hes") actually had been into me?

I can tell you one thing...I wouldn't be pursuing my Masters degree to go into a field that I feel I can make a difference in.  I would be in Spokane, WA....or the middle of nowhere WA....doing something mediocre.  Instead I'm pursuing what I feel God has led me to, and undoubtedly what God was leading me to in place of that all powerful relationship idol that I was always grasping for.  I wouldn't be in Boston.  I wouldn't be comfortable with myself and what I stand for.  So much of who I am as a person has been formed in the last 5 years.  And so much of that person was defined by being single...because being single gave me the time and space and freedom to do the defining.

I guess that I hope that this is an encouragement to someone.  I'm not in any way saying that I have this single thing down...did I mention tears earlier?  There is still a real pain in being single at 26 years old while most of my friends are married.  But there is so much joy in every other capacity of life that it outweighs that pain.  And it doesn't mean that I don't know a handful of Mr. Amazing s,  even right now in my life....but a step back and a heaping of perspective says that Mr. Totally Amazing will figure it out on his own and outshine any of these guys that I may perceive to be the "only people on the radar".  And it doesn't make you a loser to wish one of those guys would turn out to be that Mr. Totally Amazing.  I still have fatty crushes, but I also try to maintain some perspective on what the impact of those crushes not liking me back would be.  If the impact falls somewhere along the line between "total devastation" and "nuclear holocaust", I am investing too much emotion.  Harmless fun is allowed and encouraged in my book, total meltdown status is not.

P.S.  I love you married people.  And I look forward to providing you all a chance to embarrass me as much as I embarrassed you at my Bachelorette party someday!  :)  I just may be 40 before that happens, so start thinking of age appropriate Bachelorette activities....

Won't Back Down

Oh how naive I am....even at the ripe old age of 26.

This week I took a very interesting path down finding out what it feels like to go broke via emergency veterinary care.  Let me just say....it doesn't feel good and I don't want to do it anymore.  Interesting thing about when your cat decides to skip the "cry for help" stage and go straight for the poison....you get sucked into some expensive vet care.   And he gets to continue living...better luck next time sucker.

Now, I was initially impressed by the care he received the day I first brought him in...but that was because I was terrified and willing to spend anything to keep him alive.  5 days later, I feel like I've been manipulated...much like I feel when I take my car into a Jiffy Lube for an oil change and leave with replaced air filters and shiny tires and a patched up windshield.  So, just to walk into the door of this place as an emergency case, is $160.00.  No joke.  That is for registration and an office visit.  Which is interesting...because registration is me telling the receptionist that my name is Dani and that I have an address and a phone number.  That costs $11.00.  The office visit was interesting, because they then charged another office visit on top of that...plus money to make him throw up and take two expensive blood tests.  Oh, I forgot to mention too that in order to even take a pet into this emergency clinic...you have to call the ASPCA Poison hotline for a consultation....this costs $60.00 right up front.  I get that...its helping a non-profit.  But I think its interesting that you need that to show up to this ASPCA clinic...with doctors who should know just as much as the poison doctors do...they all go through the same schooling.  Sounds like a scam....but being a "freaking-out" pet owner...I forgot to consider scams.  So, I'm $200.00 deep before they even look at the poor thing.  And then $299.00 for the extra office visit (?) and all the other stuff...and I get to leave.

I might add that this all happened as I was getting ready to head to work and was in the midst of getting breakfast going.  Since I didn't eat, I was starving at the clinic.  I asked where there was a Starbucks nearby so I could run and grab something to eat.  She advised me that we couldn't leave the facility unless I left a deposit.  Yes, because I'm going to abandon my disabled, poisoned cat at your facility.  Are ya kidding me?

And that wasn't even the half of it....every night this week (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and tonight), I went and spent $81.00 to get a blood test done($20.00 more than I was told it would be I might add...my doctor distinctly told me that it would be $60.00...the cost of the test and no charge for an office visit.  When I brought this up, they said they don't do that and that I would need to speak with the doctor to get written permission for that to be refunded back to me.  Yeah, like that will happen).  And his test results came back slightly off tonight (his last scheduled night of tests), so I imagine that they will ask me to come back for another tomorrow.  So, I'm sitting at about $820.00 plus some cab fares....about $900.00 right now.  And to throw a cherry on top of everything (Jiffy Lube), they said they heard what they thought was an irregular heartbeat in him, and that we should consider an EKG.....at some point....not life threatening RIGHT NOW.  I'll give you an irregular heart beat.

Holy crud...they saw a sucker and they worked me hard.  I have gotten on Yelp and read some reviews and discovered I'm not the only fool that has shelled out an arm and a leg.  Makes me feel less like a moron...which is good.  I needed that.

So, it remains to be seen if I'll be eating Ramen for the rest of my life...or if this cat will just buck up and quit "needing" tests.  I need a real veterinarian.....this place is taking me for all I'm worth.  I miss home.

There is something incredibly lonely about being in a new place during a mini-crisis such as this.  My roommates are heaven sent and have been wonderful...hands down.  But you can't help but wish you weren't here when things like this happen...nothing is easy here.  Nothing is close by.  People aren't always friendly.  EVERYTHING is expensive.  Nothing is familiar.   People that should be dependable disappoint...in really big and kind of inexcusable ways.  Reality.  Boston is fantastic and I love my new home, but it isn't a fairy tale land of perfection.  It still sucks some days.

But, because life is bigger than this crisis and this bad week and myself and this city and this world even....God is good.  And he continues to provide me sanity in the midst of this mild insanity.  Life can be so much worse than this....this is nothing.  This is stressful and hard and potentially could be really sad if it doesn't work out well, but life can be so much harder and so much more sad.  I have friends who are struggling right now with feeling God's goodness.  I can relate...sometimes there is not a single thing that looks good...not one.

I was listening to Pandora today and this song came on, and it is such a sweet reminder of what faith looks like....knowing that even if everything else falls around us, God is the one standing there holding us up still.  Sometimes that is the only good thing, that you are still standing there.  But hey, that's one thing to praise Him for.

For those of you that are reading this that are far away (which will be everyone)...I love you guys and miss you.  Also, to you West Coasters...I have been here for a month now and I can confidently say that the West Coast is indeed the best Coast.  Let's put these fools in their place.

Lovely gifts

Things I'm Thankful for Today:

1) Allergy pills.

2) The ability to still write decent papers (pending grading) after being out of school for the last 3 years...

3) Living on top of the ocean after basically being an ocean virgin for so many years...I LOVE the ocean.

4) Having really incredible friends....and I mean really incredible.  Smart, beautiful, motivated, supportive...I've been blessed.

5) Having survived and experienced two years at House of Charity.  For all the challenges, there was literally no better preparation for what I'm doing now.

6) Second chances

7) My mom putting money on my Starbucks gift card.  Nothing makes my Tuesdays better than my morning oatmeal and drip coffee w/ hazelnut and room for cream. :)

8) Having such a great small group back home that I actually miss them like crazy now.  You realize just how blessed you have been when you move away and can't find something quite like that again.

9) Drop in humidity...thank you Jesus.

10) My padre coming to visit me this weekend, a trip to see the lights of the big city next weekend (NYC baby!), and a retreat in New Hampshire the weekend after that!  :)

11) Banana bread

12) A cat that is finally healthy again after being sick all weekend.

13) By the grace of God, NOT getting a full-blown cold even though I feel like I just barely dodged it...

14) Care packages

15) Opportunities to NOT be studying.....

Midnight musings...

Ye of little faith....

This describes me.  To the exact letter.

I spent the last 6 months really really anxiously anticipating my move out here to Boston.  I made and remade budgets.  I e-mailed my financial aid counselor repeatedly....so much so that I think she can't stand me now.  I went over the details of this huge shift in my life over and over, and still in my mind, I could see it not working out.  I could see it falling flat.  I could see myself moving here...hating it...wishing I hadn't taken out the student loans...wishing I hadn't uprooted my life....trying to figure out a way to backtrack and reclaim it all.

And here I am.  And there is zero of that remorse.  In fact, the longer I'm here, the more and more excited I get about what I'm doing here.  I was just talking to one of my best friends on the phone today saying that I desperately miss everyone....but not so desperately that I'm falling apart.  I miss them because I love them and they are my support system, but I'm also doing just fine with them at a distance.  Best case scenario...really.  Because my first week that I left for undergrad at WSU, I almost lost my mind.  After being here 10 days, I still have mine intact.  Making progress.

I really feel like I'm supposed to be here.  What for I don't know...but I do know it's not about me. I could do this anywhere.  Every door opened wide for me to come here at this time and under these circumstances, so I'm convinced God has something in store...he always does.

So, today was the official start of classes and my internship.  Class was just as I expected class to be...long....wordy....but worthwhile.  You know, where you know you will learn a lot, but it won't necessarily be fun while doing it.  That kind of class.  It is covering my least favorite subject, but it has what I think will be the coolest assignment.  We are going to be doing macro based case studies on a community within Boston.  Now, I have a raging love affair for the North End, which is a predominantly Italian-American population.  I also know NOTHING about this population, so there ya go.  Found my case study.  We, although this is nerve wracking and a little ridiculous that I'm looking forward to this, get to go out in the community and interview members of that neighborhood.  We get to ask questions about who the respected community leaders are, what people's experiences are, how a changing cityscape has altered their community, and what their perceived strengths and weaknesses are.  The North End is home to most of the historical sites that we think of as being "Boston" (aka the Old North Church, Paul Revere's House, etc...), but this is a really vibrant Italian neighborhood now...where little old men sit on their doorsteps and watch the world move around them.  I love it.  I can't wait.

My internship is also going to be great.  I have an office, with my name on the outside of the door. I get to decorate it however I want.  I also am reviewing cases and have just received my own first case, and am going to be working with some really different people than I worked with at the House of Charity.  Starting school has really put a lot of my work last year in perspective.  I was SO burnt out by the end of the two years at House of Charity that I was running on empty.  Coming here and getting fresh perspective and additional education will help me figure out my past experiences and delve into new ones with a greater appreciation for the people I'm serving.  Just an idea of what I'm going to be doing.  My first case is already breaking my heart. When you hear of a mother of 6 that is sleeping on the floor in her apartment in the projects so that her newborn can sleep safely in the only open bed....it reaffirms why I want and need to be a part of this profession.  And I need to find that lady a crib!

So, as you can see, I'm settling in nicely.  The coming weeks should be REALLY fun!  I'm getting involved with a cool church in town called Park Street.  So, that is filling a lot of downtime I would have, but its allowing me to feel really connected with a church community again, which is REALLY good.  Also, my Dad is coming to town in two weeks, and that will be quickly followed by trips to NYC and New Hampshire!  So much to see and do before the weather gets cold!  Not to mention...Halloween!  I just ate 6 Halloween Oreos...I'm getting into the season.

Love you all!
P.S.  If you live in Spokane, just because I'm having fun doesn't mean I don't miss you.  Because I do.

Boston University

It seems as though in the midst of all the fun that the East Coast has to offer, I have failed to talk much about what I'm actually here for...which is school.

So, Boston University is a strange campus.  It runs along Commonwealth Avenue (aka Comm Ave) in Downtown Boston, which is a very very close neighborhood to Fenway.  The student bookstore is about a 5 minute walk from Fenway.  As for the campus itself...Comm Ave is ridiculously long, as is the campus.  I'm used to a campus that has some sort of central square or a central building to it.  This is not like that.  It is 2 miles long and about two streets deep.  Weird huh?  Thankfully there is a Starbucks on campus...so, you will hear no complaints from me.  Other interesting facts, Elie Wiesel teaches here.  Currently.  As in, I could go to his office tomorrow and duck my head inside.  Is that not the coolest thing ever?  Alexander Graham Bell taught here and invented the phone in a BU lab.  Also, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. received his doctorate here in 1955.  Pretty incredible.  Lots of very cool, very intelligent people.

As for the feel of school.  I'm VERY uncool style-wise.  Ok, I'm not going to lie.  I thought I was pretty with it when I came out here, but apparently I'm about 3 years behind.  Thankfully for me, I don't feel it necessary to make myself into a style queen, so aside from maybe making a few updates here and there, I'm going to live in the past baby!  Most people (especially in my grad program) are VERY friendly.  None of the bad East Coast attitudes I had been warned of out here.  Loving that so far.  But check out this fad...not going here EVER.  I have seen a lot of butt cheeks hanging out the bottom of shorts in the last few days...and not a single person wearing normal shorts.  So excuse me for being uncool, at least my cheeks aren't popping out to say hello.  West Coast, watch out...these high-waisted monsters are coming for you.

So, I picked Boston University because it was a Top 25 grad school and because I loved the city.  Pretty easy.  It happened to be the only grad school I applied to, which looking at the statistics, may have been a really reckless decision.  They only accepted 50% of applicants this year, so the odds of me getting a big fat denial letter in the mail were not totally on my side.  Thankfully, they thought I was fabulous or at least good enough, and here I am.

So, let me give you a little bit of information as far as school rankings go.

University of Washington is #3 but wait lists a TON of people.  And it's practically in my backyard....boring.

Boston College is #10, but is about double what I pay in tuition at Boston University.  Which I might add, is already an arm and both of my legs.

Boston University is ranked #16th along with NYU and Hunter which are arguably some of the most reknowned programs in the field of Social Work.

Eastern Washington University was ranked #104...in the country.  So, it would have been a really economical option, but it wouldn't necessarily have been a good option.  And as much as I love Cheney, this is a pretty big upgrade....

So, back to school.  I just finished orientation for both the program as a whole and for my field education (aka internship).  Class wise, I am taking the basics that every first semester MSW student takes.  That includes (don't get too excited now); Human Behavior, Welfare Policy, Intro to Clinical Practice and Intro to Macro Practice.  The first two are pretty self explanatory, but let me fill you in on the Clinical vs. Macro stuff.  Clinical is the area of social work that is more therapy based.  This includes case management, group therapy, individual and family therapy, trauma work, etc...  I am a Clinical major, so my focus is going to fall somewhere either in the very broad category of the major, or somewhere within a focus group.  I'm leaning towards the trauma certificate program.  As for Macro, that is more based around development and management.  Many of the Macro majors are involved in internships that are linked to grassroots organizations and lobby groups and people that are working to change non-profits from the inside out.

Anyways, each of my classes are about 3-4 hours each and meet once a week.  Nothing crazy.  The crazy part of classes are that by next Wednesday, after my last class of the week, I will have been expected to have read almost 300 pages of readings.  I have about 95 that are due by Monday's evening class alone.  They are not fooling when they say grad school is going to be harder.... I went to the library to print the syllabi today and it was almost 100 pages....for 4 classes.  Lord help me.  Then on top of that, I am working 16 hours a week at Greater Boston Legal Services providing wraparound services for the clients that come in to receive assistance from the lawyers.  Greater Boston Legal Services is a pro-bono law firm (which I LOVE) that is really really a massive undertaking.  They have a large number of attorneys that donate their time to help disadvantaged individuals and families in Boston, of which there are many.

I am also working 10 hours a week doing research in the Human Development and Behavior Department, and its probably not super secret research, but I don't know what it is yet...so, I couldn't tell you.

As if that weren't enough...gotta count in church and small group.  Thankfully, and much as an answer to prayers, I have found a pretty good on-campus graduate group that meets to do Bible study and fellowship once a week and through that got plugged into what is said to be a great church.  And I don't even have to sit alone on my first Sunday, pretty great...all my fears being vanquished.  So, with all this....it hardly leaves enough time to eat and sleep.

So ultimate goal in all of this...you might ask?  All I know is that I can sit for my boards and become licensed as soon as I graduate from the program.  That would be a test I'd take here in Massachusetts (which is a fairly easy state for licensing guidelines and requirements).  The licensure is transferrable, which is good too...considering that Massachusetts is great and all, but so is the Northwest.  And after that I have no idea.  I don't have a specific area that I am determined to be working in yet, because there are so many options and two years of school to explore it.  I feel like undergrad was all about knowing right away what you wanted to do after school.  I want to actually take my time this time around and roll with the punches a little bit more.  I don't want to get pigeon holed into something that I'm ultimately not happy with by trying to tighten down on one particular area too early.

So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.  I really appreciate those of you that actually take the time to read these boring things and care about my life enough to listen to me vent.  Really I haven't hit any walls yet and I feel like somehow this is right where God wanted me.  I am typically a very anxious person (as you all know), but I feel so certain about all this....it is such a relief to not feel a full blown panic attack at the thought of being so far from home and so overwhelmed with newness.  It is literally by the grace of God that I am adjusting so well.

I miss you all.  A lot.  Sometimes more than others.  It hit me today when I was in a Walgreen's that I am really missing normal things.  P.S.  Mom, if you are reading this.  They don't sell Chocolate Malt O'Meal here and they only make Hormel (aka Horrible) Chili out here.  Send me the good stuff!  :)