Won't Back Down

Oh how naive I am....even at the ripe old age of 26.

This week I took a very interesting path down finding out what it feels like to go broke via emergency veterinary care.  Let me just say....it doesn't feel good and I don't want to do it anymore.  Interesting thing about when your cat decides to skip the "cry for help" stage and go straight for the poison....you get sucked into some expensive vet care.   And he gets to continue living...better luck next time sucker.

Now, I was initially impressed by the care he received the day I first brought him in...but that was because I was terrified and willing to spend anything to keep him alive.  5 days later, I feel like I've been manipulated...much like I feel when I take my car into a Jiffy Lube for an oil change and leave with replaced air filters and shiny tires and a patched up windshield.  So, just to walk into the door of this place as an emergency case, is $160.00.  No joke.  That is for registration and an office visit.  Which is interesting...because registration is me telling the receptionist that my name is Dani and that I have an address and a phone number.  That costs $11.00.  The office visit was interesting, because they then charged another office visit on top of that...plus money to make him throw up and take two expensive blood tests.  Oh, I forgot to mention too that in order to even take a pet into this emergency clinic...you have to call the ASPCA Poison hotline for a consultation....this costs $60.00 right up front.  I get that...its helping a non-profit.  But I think its interesting that you need that to show up to this ASPCA clinic...with doctors who should know just as much as the poison doctors do...they all go through the same schooling.  Sounds like a scam....but being a "freaking-out" pet owner...I forgot to consider scams.  So, I'm $200.00 deep before they even look at the poor thing.  And then $299.00 for the extra office visit (?) and all the other stuff...and I get to leave.

I might add that this all happened as I was getting ready to head to work and was in the midst of getting breakfast going.  Since I didn't eat, I was starving at the clinic.  I asked where there was a Starbucks nearby so I could run and grab something to eat.  She advised me that we couldn't leave the facility unless I left a deposit.  Yes, because I'm going to abandon my disabled, poisoned cat at your facility.  Are ya kidding me?

And that wasn't even the half of it....every night this week (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and tonight), I went and spent $81.00 to get a blood test done($20.00 more than I was told it would be I might add...my doctor distinctly told me that it would be $60.00...the cost of the test and no charge for an office visit.  When I brought this up, they said they don't do that and that I would need to speak with the doctor to get written permission for that to be refunded back to me.  Yeah, like that will happen).  And his test results came back slightly off tonight (his last scheduled night of tests), so I imagine that they will ask me to come back for another tomorrow.  So, I'm sitting at about $820.00 plus some cab fares....about $900.00 right now.  And to throw a cherry on top of everything (Jiffy Lube), they said they heard what they thought was an irregular heartbeat in him, and that we should consider an EKG.....at some point....not life threatening RIGHT NOW.  I'll give you an irregular heart beat.

Holy crud...they saw a sucker and they worked me hard.  I have gotten on Yelp and read some reviews and discovered I'm not the only fool that has shelled out an arm and a leg.  Makes me feel less like a moron...which is good.  I needed that.

So, it remains to be seen if I'll be eating Ramen for the rest of my life...or if this cat will just buck up and quit "needing" tests.  I need a real veterinarian.....this place is taking me for all I'm worth.  I miss home.

There is something incredibly lonely about being in a new place during a mini-crisis such as this.  My roommates are heaven sent and have been wonderful...hands down.  But you can't help but wish you weren't here when things like this happen...nothing is easy here.  Nothing is close by.  People aren't always friendly.  EVERYTHING is expensive.  Nothing is familiar.   People that should be dependable disappoint...in really big and kind of inexcusable ways.  Reality.  Boston is fantastic and I love my new home, but it isn't a fairy tale land of perfection.  It still sucks some days.

But, because life is bigger than this crisis and this bad week and myself and this city and this world even....God is good.  And he continues to provide me sanity in the midst of this mild insanity.  Life can be so much worse than this....this is nothing.  This is stressful and hard and potentially could be really sad if it doesn't work out well, but life can be so much harder and so much more sad.  I have friends who are struggling right now with feeling God's goodness.  I can relate...sometimes there is not a single thing that looks good...not one.

I was listening to Pandora today and this song came on, and it is such a sweet reminder of what faith looks like....knowing that even if everything else falls around us, God is the one standing there holding us up still.  Sometimes that is the only good thing, that you are still standing there.  But hey, that's one thing to praise Him for.

For those of you that are reading this that are far away (which will be everyone)...I love you guys and miss you.  Also, to you West Coasters...I have been here for a month now and I can confidently say that the West Coast is indeed the best Coast.  Let's put these fools in their place.

Lovely gifts

Things I'm Thankful for Today:

1) Allergy pills.

2) The ability to still write decent papers (pending grading) after being out of school for the last 3 years...

3) Living on top of the ocean after basically being an ocean virgin for so many years...I LOVE the ocean.

4) Having really incredible friends....and I mean really incredible.  Smart, beautiful, motivated, supportive...I've been blessed.

5) Having survived and experienced two years at House of Charity.  For all the challenges, there was literally no better preparation for what I'm doing now.

6) Second chances

7) My mom putting money on my Starbucks gift card.  Nothing makes my Tuesdays better than my morning oatmeal and drip coffee w/ hazelnut and room for cream. :)

8) Having such a great small group back home that I actually miss them like crazy now.  You realize just how blessed you have been when you move away and can't find something quite like that again.

9) Drop in humidity...thank you Jesus.

10) My padre coming to visit me this weekend, a trip to see the lights of the big city next weekend (NYC baby!), and a retreat in New Hampshire the weekend after that!  :)

11) Banana bread

12) A cat that is finally healthy again after being sick all weekend.

13) By the grace of God, NOT getting a full-blown cold even though I feel like I just barely dodged it...

14) Care packages

15) Opportunities to NOT be studying.....

Midnight musings...

Ye of little faith....

This describes me.  To the exact letter.

I spent the last 6 months really really anxiously anticipating my move out here to Boston.  I made and remade budgets.  I e-mailed my financial aid counselor repeatedly....so much so that I think she can't stand me now.  I went over the details of this huge shift in my life over and over, and still in my mind, I could see it not working out.  I could see it falling flat.  I could see myself moving here...hating it...wishing I hadn't taken out the student loans...wishing I hadn't uprooted my life....trying to figure out a way to backtrack and reclaim it all.

And here I am.  And there is zero of that remorse.  In fact, the longer I'm here, the more and more excited I get about what I'm doing here.  I was just talking to one of my best friends on the phone today saying that I desperately miss everyone....but not so desperately that I'm falling apart.  I miss them because I love them and they are my support system, but I'm also doing just fine with them at a distance.  Best case scenario...really.  Because my first week that I left for undergrad at WSU, I almost lost my mind.  After being here 10 days, I still have mine intact.  Making progress.

I really feel like I'm supposed to be here.  What for I don't know...but I do know it's not about me. I could do this anywhere.  Every door opened wide for me to come here at this time and under these circumstances, so I'm convinced God has something in store...he always does.

So, today was the official start of classes and my internship.  Class was just as I expected class to be...long....wordy....but worthwhile.  You know, where you know you will learn a lot, but it won't necessarily be fun while doing it.  That kind of class.  It is covering my least favorite subject, but it has what I think will be the coolest assignment.  We are going to be doing macro based case studies on a community within Boston.  Now, I have a raging love affair for the North End, which is a predominantly Italian-American population.  I also know NOTHING about this population, so there ya go.  Found my case study.  We, although this is nerve wracking and a little ridiculous that I'm looking forward to this, get to go out in the community and interview members of that neighborhood.  We get to ask questions about who the respected community leaders are, what people's experiences are, how a changing cityscape has altered their community, and what their perceived strengths and weaknesses are.  The North End is home to most of the historical sites that we think of as being "Boston" (aka the Old North Church, Paul Revere's House, etc...), but this is a really vibrant Italian neighborhood now...where little old men sit on their doorsteps and watch the world move around them.  I love it.  I can't wait.

My internship is also going to be great.  I have an office, with my name on the outside of the door. I get to decorate it however I want.  I also am reviewing cases and have just received my own first case, and am going to be working with some really different people than I worked with at the House of Charity.  Starting school has really put a lot of my work last year in perspective.  I was SO burnt out by the end of the two years at House of Charity that I was running on empty.  Coming here and getting fresh perspective and additional education will help me figure out my past experiences and delve into new ones with a greater appreciation for the people I'm serving.  Just an idea of what I'm going to be doing.  My first case is already breaking my heart. When you hear of a mother of 6 that is sleeping on the floor in her apartment in the projects so that her newborn can sleep safely in the only open bed....it reaffirms why I want and need to be a part of this profession.  And I need to find that lady a crib!

So, as you can see, I'm settling in nicely.  The coming weeks should be REALLY fun!  I'm getting involved with a cool church in town called Park Street.  So, that is filling a lot of downtime I would have, but its allowing me to feel really connected with a church community again, which is REALLY good.  Also, my Dad is coming to town in two weeks, and that will be quickly followed by trips to NYC and New Hampshire!  So much to see and do before the weather gets cold!  Not to mention...Halloween!  I just ate 6 Halloween Oreos...I'm getting into the season.

Love you all!
P.S.  If you live in Spokane, just because I'm having fun doesn't mean I don't miss you.  Because I do.

Boston University

It seems as though in the midst of all the fun that the East Coast has to offer, I have failed to talk much about what I'm actually here for...which is school.

So, Boston University is a strange campus.  It runs along Commonwealth Avenue (aka Comm Ave) in Downtown Boston, which is a very very close neighborhood to Fenway.  The student bookstore is about a 5 minute walk from Fenway.  As for the campus itself...Comm Ave is ridiculously long, as is the campus.  I'm used to a campus that has some sort of central square or a central building to it.  This is not like that.  It is 2 miles long and about two streets deep.  Weird huh?  Thankfully there is a Starbucks on campus...so, you will hear no complaints from me.  Other interesting facts, Elie Wiesel teaches here.  Currently.  As in, I could go to his office tomorrow and duck my head inside.  Is that not the coolest thing ever?  Alexander Graham Bell taught here and invented the phone in a BU lab.  Also, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. received his doctorate here in 1955.  Pretty incredible.  Lots of very cool, very intelligent people.

As for the feel of school.  I'm VERY uncool style-wise.  Ok, I'm not going to lie.  I thought I was pretty with it when I came out here, but apparently I'm about 3 years behind.  Thankfully for me, I don't feel it necessary to make myself into a style queen, so aside from maybe making a few updates here and there, I'm going to live in the past baby!  Most people (especially in my grad program) are VERY friendly.  None of the bad East Coast attitudes I had been warned of out here.  Loving that so far.  But check out this fad...not going here EVER.  I have seen a lot of butt cheeks hanging out the bottom of shorts in the last few days...and not a single person wearing normal shorts.  So excuse me for being uncool, at least my cheeks aren't popping out to say hello.  West Coast, watch out...these high-waisted monsters are coming for you.

So, I picked Boston University because it was a Top 25 grad school and because I loved the city.  Pretty easy.  It happened to be the only grad school I applied to, which looking at the statistics, may have been a really reckless decision.  They only accepted 50% of applicants this year, so the odds of me getting a big fat denial letter in the mail were not totally on my side.  Thankfully, they thought I was fabulous or at least good enough, and here I am.

So, let me give you a little bit of information as far as school rankings go.

University of Washington is #3 but wait lists a TON of people.  And it's practically in my backyard....boring.

Boston College is #10, but is about double what I pay in tuition at Boston University.  Which I might add, is already an arm and both of my legs.

Boston University is ranked #16th along with NYU and Hunter which are arguably some of the most reknowned programs in the field of Social Work.

Eastern Washington University was ranked #104...in the country.  So, it would have been a really economical option, but it wouldn't necessarily have been a good option.  And as much as I love Cheney, this is a pretty big upgrade....

So, back to school.  I just finished orientation for both the program as a whole and for my field education (aka internship).  Class wise, I am taking the basics that every first semester MSW student takes.  That includes (don't get too excited now); Human Behavior, Welfare Policy, Intro to Clinical Practice and Intro to Macro Practice.  The first two are pretty self explanatory, but let me fill you in on the Clinical vs. Macro stuff.  Clinical is the area of social work that is more therapy based.  This includes case management, group therapy, individual and family therapy, trauma work, etc...  I am a Clinical major, so my focus is going to fall somewhere either in the very broad category of the major, or somewhere within a focus group.  I'm leaning towards the trauma certificate program.  As for Macro, that is more based around development and management.  Many of the Macro majors are involved in internships that are linked to grassroots organizations and lobby groups and people that are working to change non-profits from the inside out.

Anyways, each of my classes are about 3-4 hours each and meet once a week.  Nothing crazy.  The crazy part of classes are that by next Wednesday, after my last class of the week, I will have been expected to have read almost 300 pages of readings.  I have about 95 that are due by Monday's evening class alone.  They are not fooling when they say grad school is going to be harder.... I went to the library to print the syllabi today and it was almost 100 pages....for 4 classes.  Lord help me.  Then on top of that, I am working 16 hours a week at Greater Boston Legal Services providing wraparound services for the clients that come in to receive assistance from the lawyers.  Greater Boston Legal Services is a pro-bono law firm (which I LOVE) that is really really a massive undertaking.  They have a large number of attorneys that donate their time to help disadvantaged individuals and families in Boston, of which there are many.

I am also working 10 hours a week doing research in the Human Development and Behavior Department, and its probably not super secret research, but I don't know what it is yet...so, I couldn't tell you.

As if that weren't enough...gotta count in church and small group.  Thankfully, and much as an answer to prayers, I have found a pretty good on-campus graduate group that meets to do Bible study and fellowship once a week and through that got plugged into what is said to be a great church.  And I don't even have to sit alone on my first Sunday, pretty great...all my fears being vanquished.  So, with all this....it hardly leaves enough time to eat and sleep.

So ultimate goal in all of this...you might ask?  All I know is that I can sit for my boards and become licensed as soon as I graduate from the program.  That would be a test I'd take here in Massachusetts (which is a fairly easy state for licensing guidelines and requirements).  The licensure is transferrable, which is good too...considering that Massachusetts is great and all, but so is the Northwest.  And after that I have no idea.  I don't have a specific area that I am determined to be working in yet, because there are so many options and two years of school to explore it.  I feel like undergrad was all about knowing right away what you wanted to do after school.  I want to actually take my time this time around and roll with the punches a little bit more.  I don't want to get pigeon holed into something that I'm ultimately not happy with by trying to tighten down on one particular area too early.

So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.  I really appreciate those of you that actually take the time to read these boring things and care about my life enough to listen to me vent.  Really I haven't hit any walls yet and I feel like somehow this is right where God wanted me.  I am typically a very anxious person (as you all know), but I feel so certain about all this....it is such a relief to not feel a full blown panic attack at the thought of being so far from home and so overwhelmed with newness.  It is literally by the grace of God that I am adjusting so well.

I miss you all.  A lot.  Sometimes more than others.  It hit me today when I was in a Walgreen's that I am really missing normal things.  P.S.  Mom, if you are reading this.  They don't sell Chocolate Malt O'Meal here and they only make Hormel (aka Horrible) Chili out here.  Send me the good stuff!  :)

First Few Days

So, obviously I made it to Boston.  I was honestly really worried about the trip, as most of you knew, because my cat is not an experienced flier and typically doesn't have a very good attitude about things he doesn't want to do.  Both of those rang true.  He looked inexperienced and he looked stressed out.  But he also made it alive and is growing accustomed to his new home!

As am I. My bedroom is not put together as of yet, so no pictures of that, but my apartment is great.  We live in a (HUGE by my standards) house.  The house is split up by floor into apartments, and I'm not sure when it was built, but it has to be the oldest house I've ever lived in.  Creaky hardwood floors, REALLY old vent grates for the air conditioning, it looks like it has been lived in for many many years before I got here. But it has modern things going on too and it's painted nice and my roommates are great, so I'm excited to live here.  I, as of yesterday, ran out of storage space for my clothes, so I have a pretty impressive pile of stuff just waiting to be given a home....and two more boxes.  Unpacking seems endless.

So, back to what might be the most important part, school.  I have orientation tomorrow which lasts all day and then an orientation for my internship on Thursday.  And other than that, I have a lot of time to explore.  Classes don't start until next Monday.  Next Monday is also my personal deadline for trying to receive my books in the mail.  I am, as a result of the move and our postal service, missing three books for school.  Two of which are VERY expensive....and I would be VERY disappointed to purchase again.  I had gotten them pretty cheap as an old edition online, but there is no more time for that.  If I have to buy them again, I'm getting the expensive ones.  So not excited about that one.
I also have a novel to read tonight...literally.  I'm not proud to say it, but I have left my summer reading to the last night of summer.  Typical.

As for Boston, it is beautiful.  But I already knew that.  That's why I came back.  I visited Boston last November and when I got to the airport to go back home, I felt myself wanting to stay.  There is an exceptionally exciting vibe here.  I can't describe it, but it's a great spot.

I rented a car for my first day so I could retrieve some boxes and make crucial trips to Target and the grocery store, and I have never been more glad to get rid of a rental car in my whole life.  Driving here is terrifying.  They don't really mark lanes, especially downtown.  So, cars just sort of make their own lanes and line up wherever they want.  It is haphazard....it makes no sense...I hated it.  By the grace of God I wasn't in a wreck, because this country girl does not drive in anything more than Seattle traffic...and this was a whole new ballgame.  My roommate said that I was going to be safe because of my NY license plate on the rental.  Everyone knows New Yorkers have terrible drivers, so they give wide berths.

As for exploring the city, I haven't done much of that....because I've been busy with moving in and going to all the stores that we have at home anyways.  Boring.  However, I did end up in Downtown Boston for a bit yesterday after dropping off the rental car and did the touristy thing and went to Quincy Market.  They have street performers that are hugely popular there.  In Spokane, we have terrible street performers and we also have totally disinterested passersby.  Here, there are GREAT street performers and a LOT of tourists that totally dig them.  So, I had some soup and watched a dance/comedy group perform.  They were totally politically incorrect and I loved it.
This was one of many...I walked past the contortionist, because I was eating and he was gross.

I also hit the very edge of campus to get a book at the bookstore.  I was greeted with a 5 story student bookstore....the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.  I'm in trouble.

So, as you can see.  Things are big.  They will take time to explore. I'm excited to be here, and not excited to have left you all behind.  Being all the way across the country is eye opening, because things are really different and you realize just how far you willingly moved from everyone you love.  But it's also really exciting and I couldn't be happier to be in this city that I fell in love with so much.

Love you all!