Honestly...

Some people say Taylor Swift is a psycho....

In fact, I think I've said that before.

The girl is brutally honest about her personal life...to a fault sometimes.  She isn't afraid to really air her dirty laundry and although I admit that it's kind of disturbing to some extent (she may be a stalker...I don't recommend that), it is also sort of liberating.  Hear me out.  I have been thinking some lately about how only certain levels of public emotion and honesty are acceptable.  Guys are discouraged to share their emotions in our society, and that's a pretty well known fact.  Is it healthy?  No...not at all.  It basically just creates a culture where we have men that aren't able to express basic things that are happening in their life, and I have to believe that ends up bottling up in unhealthy ways.  Look at how many angry and aggressive guys that have found themselves there because they haven't found a way to talk about the things that have impacted them.

Guys aside though, I think that the ladies are suffering just as much from a shared expectation from society of what is kosher to talk about and what is off limits.  Take Taylor Swift for example.  Now the preteens love her....but most adults have had at least a few instances where they heard her lyrics and shut her off because they hated her music or commented on how ridiculously boy crazy and resentful she is.  You know what?  I'm pretty sure that if all of us where to be honest, we are just as boy crazy/resentful/ridiculous as Taylor Swift.  That's why to some extent, I think she is refreshing. 

I think honesty is only respected to a certain point in our society.  I think its ok to be honest if someone is asking you to be honest.  But certain levels of honesty really freak people out.  And not because it affects them personally....but because they feel like its overkill.  Now Taylor Swift's ex-boyfriends may have reason to feel skittish.  They are totally getting dogged on.  But what girl, if given the opportunity to be unclassy for a moment, wouldn't dog on an ex-boyfriend.  We all have things to say and we all have hurt feelings that haven't cleared up and we all have been disappointed to our cores and changed by events in our past.  And God gave us the brains and the abilities to express that with other people and to let the feelings flow sometimes....in appropriate places and with appropriate audiences.

So you still feel hurt by that one guy WAY back in the day that crushed your dreams.  I think that's ok.  It impacted you.  And even if you aren't telling anyone that it impacted you, it did.  I feel like there is a stigma in relationships that you have to move on at a certain point or you are desperate....typically that point is when the other person has moved on and is "unaffected".  Well guess what...even if you've moved on, it doesn't mean it doesn't still affect every move you make in relationships today.  There is a stigma of what is acceptable to have affecting you still...and the idea that you don't talk about things after a certain point because its your fault you aren't getting over it.  I've been doing counseling with the counselor at my work for the last year, and after spending a lot of time hashing through most aspects of my life, I'm realizing that a lot of issues come to the surface when you can't work through things and be honest with safe people in your life. 

Or what abut how you really feel about someone?  Do you feel totally played and let down?  Do you feel an overwhelming love for someone that you could never seriously express that to?  And even if you don't express that to that person, is there someone you CAN express it to....to let it out a little bit.

I'm seeing the value in honesty.  You can pretend you are nonchalant and cool all you want, but I'm pretty convinced we are all desperate fools in more ways than we want to admit.  I know I'm a fool most of the time.  All of the above are true in my life.  I am completely impacted by the mistakes I made in past relationships...and I'm completely impacted by the mistakes that the other person in those relationships made.  I feel totally played and kind of screwed over at the moment, and I can't do anything about it.  It wasn't my fault and I wasn't unreasonable in my expectations.  I also have a deep love and appreciation for certain people in my life that I feel uncomfortable expressing that too.  Its easier to pretend like I don't really care than to open myself up criticism or a mediocre return of those "loving feelings".  Life is incredibly challenging....and we are SO not as cool and collected as we say we are.