Did I mention I went on vacation last week? I'm turning more and more away from being a play-by-play blogger...mostly because I've read a few travelogues that were ridiculously boring because the writer assumed that everyone cared about the tiny details of their trip. I'm assuming you don't...so I won't go there.
However, I did go to Boston and I did have a great time....and I would like to talk to you about it for as long as you want in person if you ask me!
I'm watching Sister Wives right now (I know....they are ridiculous and I'm ridiculous for watching it...so sue me) and they are taping in Boston this week. I have to admit that when they did the little fly through of some of the sights of Boston, my breath caught a little bit. I guess I can't really explain it, but I feel very taken by Boston. There is something about it. The area is rich with history, everyone has an agenda, and life is moving quickly and differently than in Spokane. It was fun. I really loved it. I think it officially has landed on my short list of places that I'd consider in the future for school or for a job.
I told my Mom when I went there that I wouldn't go and want to stay, but I must say that I wanted to stay. I guess that part of me knew that might happen...I fall in love easily with new places. When I left Tahoe all I could think about was getting back as soon as possible. I applied for jobs, I schemed...I never went. God had other plans for my life for these few years, but I'm coming up on a big shift in my identity starting this summer. My job is over in July and this place that has consumed my life for the last year and a half is fading into the shadows. I also am incredibly indecisive which leaves my friends drained and my family confused. I can't ever decide what the next step is and it changes every five minutes. The things that I told my friends about two months ago are completely off the table now. It could be school. It could be a job. It could be staying here. It could be going. It seems like the more I plan the more unsure I am, so the predominant part of me is realizing that I have an assortment of opportunities that I can move towards and the Lord will provide a clean break for the right one. My best made plans suck...so I just need to be open and TRUSTING.
One thing I do know is that I'm in a totally different place than any of my friends. I'm single...I'm relatively free to take a leap and risk failing a little bit. The pit of my stomach tells me to stay right here and be safe in the environment I'm used to, but my heart is telling me that that relational part of my life may be moving so slowly because I'm meant to do some exploring. I'll never have another chance to up and move somewhere and gain some perspective and experience something outside of this life I've always had. And that is pretty exciting....
So if you are making a trip to the East Coast anytime soon, hit me up! I went the wrong way every other time that I got on the subway, so inadvertantly I covered a lot of ground and have a bunch of tips! :)
Also, it snowed in Spokane yesterday. It is officially time to retire my dreams of sunshine....until June.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Honestly...
Some people say Taylor Swift is a psycho....
In fact, I think I've said that before.
The girl is brutally honest about her personal life...to a fault sometimes. She isn't afraid to really air her dirty laundry and although I admit that it's kind of disturbing to some extent (she may be a stalker...I don't recommend that), it is also sort of liberating. Hear me out. I have been thinking some lately about how only certain levels of public emotion and honesty are acceptable. Guys are discouraged to share their emotions in our society, and that's a pretty well known fact. Is it healthy? No...not at all. It basically just creates a culture where we have men that aren't able to express basic things that are happening in their life, and I have to believe that ends up bottling up in unhealthy ways. Look at how many angry and aggressive guys that have found themselves there because they haven't found a way to talk about the things that have impacted them.
Guys aside though, I think that the ladies are suffering just as much from a shared expectation from society of what is kosher to talk about and what is off limits. Take Taylor Swift for example. Now the preteens love her....but most adults have had at least a few instances where they heard her lyrics and shut her off because they hated her music or commented on how ridiculously boy crazy and resentful she is. You know what? I'm pretty sure that if all of us where to be honest, we are just as boy crazy/resentful/ridiculous as Taylor Swift. That's why to some extent, I think she is refreshing.
I think honesty is only respected to a certain point in our society. I think its ok to be honest if someone is asking you to be honest. But certain levels of honesty really freak people out. And not because it affects them personally....but because they feel like its overkill. Now Taylor Swift's ex-boyfriends may have reason to feel skittish. They are totally getting dogged on. But what girl, if given the opportunity to be unclassy for a moment, wouldn't dog on an ex-boyfriend. We all have things to say and we all have hurt feelings that haven't cleared up and we all have been disappointed to our cores and changed by events in our past. And God gave us the brains and the abilities to express that with other people and to let the feelings flow sometimes....in appropriate places and with appropriate audiences.
So you still feel hurt by that one guy WAY back in the day that crushed your dreams. I think that's ok. It impacted you. And even if you aren't telling anyone that it impacted you, it did. I feel like there is a stigma in relationships that you have to move on at a certain point or you are desperate....typically that point is when the other person has moved on and is "unaffected". Well guess what...even if you've moved on, it doesn't mean it doesn't still affect every move you make in relationships today. There is a stigma of what is acceptable to have affecting you still...and the idea that you don't talk about things after a certain point because its your fault you aren't getting over it. I've been doing counseling with the counselor at my work for the last year, and after spending a lot of time hashing through most aspects of my life, I'm realizing that a lot of issues come to the surface when you can't work through things and be honest with safe people in your life.
Or what abut how you really feel about someone? Do you feel totally played and let down? Do you feel an overwhelming love for someone that you could never seriously express that to? And even if you don't express that to that person, is there someone you CAN express it to....to let it out a little bit.
I'm seeing the value in honesty. You can pretend you are nonchalant and cool all you want, but I'm pretty convinced we are all desperate fools in more ways than we want to admit. I know I'm a fool most of the time. All of the above are true in my life. I am completely impacted by the mistakes I made in past relationships...and I'm completely impacted by the mistakes that the other person in those relationships made. I feel totally played and kind of screwed over at the moment, and I can't do anything about it. It wasn't my fault and I wasn't unreasonable in my expectations. I also have a deep love and appreciation for certain people in my life that I feel uncomfortable expressing that too. Its easier to pretend like I don't really care than to open myself up criticism or a mediocre return of those "loving feelings". Life is incredibly challenging....and we are SO not as cool and collected as we say we are.
In fact, I think I've said that before.
The girl is brutally honest about her personal life...to a fault sometimes. She isn't afraid to really air her dirty laundry and although I admit that it's kind of disturbing to some extent (she may be a stalker...I don't recommend that), it is also sort of liberating. Hear me out. I have been thinking some lately about how only certain levels of public emotion and honesty are acceptable. Guys are discouraged to share their emotions in our society, and that's a pretty well known fact. Is it healthy? No...not at all. It basically just creates a culture where we have men that aren't able to express basic things that are happening in their life, and I have to believe that ends up bottling up in unhealthy ways. Look at how many angry and aggressive guys that have found themselves there because they haven't found a way to talk about the things that have impacted them.
Guys aside though, I think that the ladies are suffering just as much from a shared expectation from society of what is kosher to talk about and what is off limits. Take Taylor Swift for example. Now the preteens love her....but most adults have had at least a few instances where they heard her lyrics and shut her off because they hated her music or commented on how ridiculously boy crazy and resentful she is. You know what? I'm pretty sure that if all of us where to be honest, we are just as boy crazy/resentful/ridiculous as Taylor Swift. That's why to some extent, I think she is refreshing.
I think honesty is only respected to a certain point in our society. I think its ok to be honest if someone is asking you to be honest. But certain levels of honesty really freak people out. And not because it affects them personally....but because they feel like its overkill. Now Taylor Swift's ex-boyfriends may have reason to feel skittish. They are totally getting dogged on. But what girl, if given the opportunity to be unclassy for a moment, wouldn't dog on an ex-boyfriend. We all have things to say and we all have hurt feelings that haven't cleared up and we all have been disappointed to our cores and changed by events in our past. And God gave us the brains and the abilities to express that with other people and to let the feelings flow sometimes....in appropriate places and with appropriate audiences.
So you still feel hurt by that one guy WAY back in the day that crushed your dreams. I think that's ok. It impacted you. And even if you aren't telling anyone that it impacted you, it did. I feel like there is a stigma in relationships that you have to move on at a certain point or you are desperate....typically that point is when the other person has moved on and is "unaffected". Well guess what...even if you've moved on, it doesn't mean it doesn't still affect every move you make in relationships today. There is a stigma of what is acceptable to have affecting you still...and the idea that you don't talk about things after a certain point because its your fault you aren't getting over it. I've been doing counseling with the counselor at my work for the last year, and after spending a lot of time hashing through most aspects of my life, I'm realizing that a lot of issues come to the surface when you can't work through things and be honest with safe people in your life.
Or what abut how you really feel about someone? Do you feel totally played and let down? Do you feel an overwhelming love for someone that you could never seriously express that to? And even if you don't express that to that person, is there someone you CAN express it to....to let it out a little bit.
I'm seeing the value in honesty. You can pretend you are nonchalant and cool all you want, but I'm pretty convinced we are all desperate fools in more ways than we want to admit. I know I'm a fool most of the time. All of the above are true in my life. I am completely impacted by the mistakes I made in past relationships...and I'm completely impacted by the mistakes that the other person in those relationships made. I feel totally played and kind of screwed over at the moment, and I can't do anything about it. It wasn't my fault and I wasn't unreasonable in my expectations. I also have a deep love and appreciation for certain people in my life that I feel uncomfortable expressing that too. Its easier to pretend like I don't really care than to open myself up criticism or a mediocre return of those "loving feelings". Life is incredibly challenging....and we are SO not as cool and collected as we say we are.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Bad boys bad boys...whatcha gonna do?
So, I haven't slept much in the last 24 hours. I have an overnight flight ahead of me, so I figured I'd catch some Zs at the airport in San Francisco after dinner. I found prime real estate near to my gate. A bank of seats with no dividing arm rests and a light that was out...so it was sort of dark. PERFECTION.
Not for long....
I'm awoken by a police officer walking past with a passenger that just got off a United flight. They stopped right near me in the dark corner and he started to question him about smoking an e-cigarette on board. Those stupid e-cigarettes.....whoever invented those was a moron.
Anyways...this guy apparently was flying from across the country to attend a drug rehab and he decided to smoke an e-cigarette in the bathroom of the plane. Another guy tipped the flight attendant off to "smoke" coming from the bathroom and here we are now. The guy started to get beligerant and trying to leave the area, so the officer cuffed him and slammed him into a seat. Now I had been enjoying the show until this point, and then I started to wonder if I was going to get taken out by this psycho....so I had to move from my beautiful bank of seats and kiss my napping goodbye.
Wow...San Francisco is exciting. He is still whining and crying and complaining about how tight his hand cuffs are and I'm hoping a tazer comes into the show at some point before my plane comes.
In other news, since I can't actually go see the city, I ate a dinner of San Franciscan specialties (Sourdough and Ghirardelli chocolate). Dinner and a show.
Next stop Newark.
Toodles! :)
Not for long....
I'm awoken by a police officer walking past with a passenger that just got off a United flight. They stopped right near me in the dark corner and he started to question him about smoking an e-cigarette on board. Those stupid e-cigarettes.....whoever invented those was a moron.
Anyways...this guy apparently was flying from across the country to attend a drug rehab and he decided to smoke an e-cigarette in the bathroom of the plane. Another guy tipped the flight attendant off to "smoke" coming from the bathroom and here we are now. The guy started to get beligerant and trying to leave the area, so the officer cuffed him and slammed him into a seat. Now I had been enjoying the show until this point, and then I started to wonder if I was going to get taken out by this psycho....so I had to move from my beautiful bank of seats and kiss my napping goodbye.
Wow...San Francisco is exciting. He is still whining and crying and complaining about how tight his hand cuffs are and I'm hoping a tazer comes into the show at some point before my plane comes.
In other news, since I can't actually go see the city, I ate a dinner of San Franciscan specialties (Sourdough and Ghirardelli chocolate). Dinner and a show.
Next stop Newark.
Toodles! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)