Very rarely do I go through a period in time when I feel God tangibly asking me to change some things about my life, but I totally am right now and I completely hate it. There we have it...honesty is the best policy.
There are three areas of my life that are being challenged right now, and oddly enough they are the areas that I find either the most comfort in or use as the biggest escapes from the reality of life. Let's just start in chronological order why don't we?
#1) My car broke in a pretty complete fashion about 3 weeks ago, so I have been without a 4 wheeled ride for that long. I got minimal amount of money back for it when I sold the piece of garbage, so my down payment for a new car is still well under $1000. I suppose I could go and put down that small downpayment and make payments for 4 years, but I hate that idea. So, I've been forced into doing what I should have been doing all along...considering how central my apartment is to everything in the city. I've been biking.
Now, I must say that I enjoy biking on a very basic level and as a form of recreation. I do not, however, find much joy in it as a form of transportation...or more specifically, as MY only form of transportation. I biked to Francis and Division last week and although I didn't die or even really break a sweat...I still hated it. It took me 4 hours to run errands that would have taken 2 if I had a car...
So, this is unfortunate. And some might say it just is a big inconvenience, but since I am one to believe that everything happens because God means for it to happen a certain way, I'm going to lean towards there being purpose in this. I had been feeling for quite some time that I was turning into a couch potato. Laziness really sets in when all you have to do is walk out the door and hop into your car. I wasn't taking ownership of my health and well-being. I also was wasting money on gas and going to do things that were worthless. I love shopping and let me tell you, when you have no transportation to go shopping, you do it less. I needed that. Sincerely. So, lesson still in the process of being learned....but this disruption in my normal flight pattern is actually going well pretty. The only real downside I've experienced thus far, and the one that I knew would be the hardest, is the change in my social life. A car takes you to people...and without that, things can get lonely. Oh and biking in the cold is the worst. Downside #2.
#2) I have been experiencing some headaches recently that, although I'm a headachy person in general, have been a bit out of the ordinary. They are the same old headache, but more frequent and it was just getting out of hand. I went dairy-free for a few days to see if that happened to help, and realized it wasn't making much of a difference. Not to mention I love dairy so much that I literally can't imagine life without it. That is sad, but true. So, the next step was gluten.. I've been struggling through a gluten free diet for the last two weeks and when I'm successful in it, there has been some real improvements. I haven't taken pain medications for a headache in a week. That is a marked improvement. Not saying this has been a perfect battle...I've definitely failed on more than one occasion, but I pay for it when I do. I find a lot of comfort in food. I'm like a fat person who isn't fat. Truly. I am a sugar hound and I love baked goods and I'm in a profession that is difficult. I have often heard it said that social workers go home and eat their feelings. I have eaten my feelings for the last year....in excess. And I've grown dependent on those things. Once again, growth comes when you are forced to be uncomfortable. Just like the car issue...I had fallen into this comfortable routine that worked and kept me sane, but it was leaning on something other than the one thing I should be leaning on. Addictions are basically replacements for God....finding something that fills a void and leaning on it.
My joy of eating has definitely diminished in the last few weeks, but I'm pretty sure that's ok...its just nourishment...it shouldn't be a source of my happiness. I find myself not craving things anymore because I don't like what I'm eating as much as that other stuff. But its all good for me, and its causing me to be creative and work harder for the food I'm eating. I tend to be a "convenience eater"...I warm stuff up in the microwave and grab and go. You can't do that if you shouldn't be eating gluten...it actually takes preparation and thought....which in turn makes me feel more accountable to my decisions and also more organized. Once again...a good thing. I will cheat for pumpkin pie though...just sayin.
#3) This is a newer development, but God has one more lesson for me to learn and this one can easily be fixed and passed by, but I sort of wonder if I shouldn't just fluff it off. Maybe this is the one last challenge I need right now. My computer is broken. Something that could be fixed for maybe $150.00...which isn't terrible in the grand scheme of things. I mean...I have $150.00 I could throw at my computer...or I could save that money and actually have that car down payment before I'm 50.
I just recently wrote a blog about how Facebook runs my life and how it runs the lives of others. But I must admit I also have continued to check Facebook religiously since I wrote that...as I figured I would. Now if we are talking addictions, Facebook certainly is one. And most of us have it. I have piles of books at home that I never read because I can get on Facebook or Youtube or Stumbleupon instead. I have to admit that I spend a LOT of time on the computer...more so than I should. And I think most of us can admit to that...probably.
So, spend the money and fix the computer right away, or maybe bag it for a bit and see where this challenge takes me? Realistically I can check my e-mail from work, I have a phone that people can reach me at, and I can use my parent's computer once or twice a week to check Facebook and such (just in case something major happens...ha...right). Once again, my thought process shifts to whether or not spending the money is going to glorify God any better than not spending the money...and I think the answer is a pretty profound no. I'm worse off with a computer at my fingertips at all times...seriously. I'm convinced of that. I think this might be a good thing and I think definitely that God has his hand in it timing-wise. Sure I'm in the midst of all these other changes, but why not tack this on top and see if I can handle it. There won't be another time in life, hopefully, where I'm so short on cash and so hesitant to spend money on repairs like this. It might be good to prove to myself while I'm still willing to try something like this, that I can do this and that my happiness is not contingent on these things.....in fact I know it would be good.
So....
#1) If you want me...call me.
#2) If you want to see me...come get me or come hang out with me.
#3) If you want to feed me....leave the bread at home.
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