Fall has finally landed, and I'm loving it.  I must say that I'm a pretty hardcore complainer when it comes to cold weather, but this inbetween stuff will keep my happy for a good long while...if it will stick around.  Once there is frost and once my eyes water as I bike to work in the morning, I will cease to be having fun. 

Halloween is right around the corner and as disappointing as this may seem, I'm not sure I'm going to deliver very well with my normal creative costumes.  I was planning one pretty creative and semi-epic one, but I've run out of time and haven't put much planning into it.  So....onto a new and less fantastic idea, but hopefully it will still impress to an extent.  Once you hit the pinnacle of your creativeness its hard to perform every year!  :)
My bag of leaves last year was most definitely the top...its only downhill from here.

I'm at the annual AmeriCorps conference this week and it is a train wreck as always.  Talk about government bureaucracy that they force you to come to these dumb trainings.  I do love getting out of town and staying in a hotel and eating as much food as I want, but the seminars are definitely a drag and feel forced.  I was an AmeriCorps last year, so this year I'm just filling my time with random pickings of classes which have nothing to do with my job at home.  This next hour I'm going for "How Big is your Ecological Footprint?".  Probably huge since Spokane doesn't know how to recycle.  My homeless guys recycle better than I do, because they get money for their cans!  I could learn a thing or two just by talking to them.
Oh well...only one more day and then I'm home free.

Speaking of home free....as soon as I get home...I'm only there for a week because then I'm going to BOSTON!!!!  So excited!  I've never been and only know one person there, so it will certainly be an adventure and just a chance to relax and get some freedom from the drain of Spokane.  I'm sure it's no secret that this year has been a really huge challenge for me so far...my work has ended up being a big drain on my energy and my outlook on the rest of life...so, finding a little balance and some time to be away feels especially important this year.  If you think of it, be praying for me with work.  I'm really unsure of where my next step is after this and when it is appropriate to take that step.  I have also been convicted of the fact that I worry far too much, so I'm trying to not pour extra time into thinking about how unhappy I am at work and how unsafe I feel there at times, and just finding other outlets and praying that God will open the right doors to bring a sense of peace about the situation.  It is what it is....and I have no choice but to make the best of it and work with what comes my way.  Anyways, back to Boston.  If you have been there or have any ideas of the must sees...I'm always open for the extra advice!  I'm pumped about Fenway Park more than just about anything....my baseball blood gets pumping just thinking about it.




I hope all of you are enjoying this beautiful fall we are having and enjoying all the festivities that come with it.  Greenbluff is calling my name this weekend...that I know for sure!

*Dani*

Oh goodness....

Very rarely do I go through a period in time when I feel God tangibly asking me to change some things about my life, but I totally am right now and I completely hate it.  There we have it...honesty is the best policy.

There are three areas of my life that are being challenged right now, and oddly enough they are the areas that I find either the most comfort in or use as the biggest escapes from the reality of life.  Let's just start in chronological order why don't we?

#1) My car broke in a pretty complete fashion about 3 weeks ago, so I have been without a 4 wheeled ride for that long.  I got minimal amount of money back for it when I sold the piece of garbage, so my down payment for a new car is still well under $1000.  I suppose I could go and put down that small downpayment and make payments for 4 years, but I hate that idea.  So, I've been forced into doing what I should have been doing all along...considering how central my apartment is to everything in the city.  I've been biking.

Now, I must say that I enjoy biking on a very basic level and as a form of recreation.  I do not, however, find much joy in it as a form of transportation...or more specifically, as MY only form of transportation.  I biked to Francis and Division last week and although I didn't die or even really break a sweat...I still hated it.  It took me 4 hours to run errands that would have taken 2 if I had a car...

So, this is unfortunate.  And some might say it just is a big inconvenience, but since I am one to believe that everything happens because God means for it to happen a certain way, I'm going to lean towards there being purpose in this.  I had been feeling for quite some time that I was turning into a couch potato.  Laziness really sets in when all you have to do is walk out the door and hop into your car.  I wasn't taking ownership of my health and well-being.  I also was wasting money on gas and going to do things that were worthless.  I love shopping and let me tell you, when you have no transportation to go shopping, you do it less.  I needed that.  Sincerely.  So, lesson still in the process of being learned....but this disruption in my normal flight pattern is actually going well pretty.  The only real downside I've experienced thus far, and the one that I knew would be the hardest, is the change in my social life.  A car takes you to people...and without that, things can get lonely.  Oh and biking in the cold is the worst.  Downside #2.

#2) I have been experiencing some headaches recently that, although I'm a headachy person in general, have been a bit out of the ordinary.  They are the same old headache, but more frequent and it was just getting out of hand.  I went dairy-free for a few days to see if that happened to help, and realized it wasn't making much of a difference.  Not to mention I love dairy so much that I literally can't imagine life without it.  That is sad, but true.  So, the next step was gluten..  I've been struggling through a gluten free diet for the last two weeks and when I'm successful in it, there has been some real improvements.  I haven't taken pain medications for a headache in a week.  That is a marked improvement.  Not saying this has been a perfect battle...I've definitely failed on more than one occasion, but I pay for it when I do.  I find a lot of comfort in food.  I'm like a fat person who isn't fat.  Truly.  I am a sugar hound and I love baked goods and I'm in a profession that is difficult.  I have often heard it said that social workers go home and eat their feelings.  I have eaten my feelings for the last year....in excess.  And I've grown dependent on those things.  Once again, growth comes when you are forced to be uncomfortable.  Just like the car issue...I had fallen into this comfortable routine that worked and kept me sane, but it was leaning on something other than the one thing I should be leaning on.  Addictions are basically replacements for God....finding something that fills a void and leaning on it. 

My joy of eating has definitely diminished in the last few weeks, but I'm pretty sure that's ok...its just nourishment...it shouldn't be a source of my happiness. I find myself not craving things anymore because I don't like what I'm eating as much as that other stuff. But its all good for me, and its causing me to be creative and work harder for the food I'm eating.  I tend to be a "convenience eater"...I warm stuff up in the microwave and grab and go.  You can't do that if you shouldn't be eating gluten...it actually takes preparation and thought....which in turn makes me feel more accountable to my decisions and also more organized.  Once again...a good thing.   I will cheat for pumpkin pie though...just sayin.

#3)  This is a newer development, but God has one more lesson for me to learn and this one can easily be fixed and passed by, but I sort of wonder if I shouldn't just fluff it off.  Maybe this is the one last challenge I need right now.  My computer is broken.  Something that could be fixed for maybe $150.00...which isn't terrible in the grand scheme of things.  I mean...I have $150.00 I could throw at my computer...or I could save that money and actually have that car down payment before I'm 50. 

I just recently wrote a blog about how Facebook runs my life and how it runs the lives of others.  But I must admit I also have continued to check Facebook religiously since I wrote that...as I figured I would.  Now if we are talking addictions, Facebook certainly is one.  And most of us have it.  I have piles of books at home that I never read because I can get on Facebook or Youtube or Stumbleupon instead.  I have to admit that I spend a LOT of time on the computer...more so than I should.  And I think most of us can admit to that...probably.

So, spend the money and fix the computer right away, or maybe bag it for a bit and see where this challenge takes me?  Realistically I can check my e-mail from work, I have a phone that people can reach me at, and I can use my parent's computer once or twice a week to check Facebook and such (just in case something major happens...ha...right).  Once again, my thought process shifts to whether or not spending the money is going to glorify God any better than not spending the money...and I think the answer is a pretty profound no.  I'm worse off with a computer at my fingertips at all times...seriously.  I'm convinced of that.  I think this might be a good thing and I think definitely that God has his hand in it timing-wise.  Sure I'm in the midst of all these other changes, but why not tack this on top and see if I can handle it.  There won't be another time in life, hopefully, where I'm so short on cash and so hesitant to spend money on repairs like this.  It might be good to prove to myself while I'm still willing to try something like this, that I can do this and that my happiness is not contingent on these things.....in fact I know it would be good.

So....

#1) If you want me...call me.
#2) If you want to see me...come get me or come hang out with me.
#3) If you want to feed me....leave the bread at home.

Who is responsible?

I found this article online today and it got me thinking....

I know....thinking?  After a long day at work?  Ridiculous.

But I love this article.  It isn't any secret that I am pretty committed to animals.  It has been a constant in my life since I was little. I live with this cute little rescue kitty that I got this past year and he is a nearly non-stop joy in my life (aside from the scars I have from his non-declawed paws).  He is my first animal that I've had on my own (aside from a fish that absolutely outlived his welcome several years ago), and I feel such a sense of responsibility for him.  I suppose its a mild form of the responsibility that you might feel towards your kids...I know that his little life is contingent on me being more responsible than I've ever been before.  Even if I miss breakfast, he can't.  Even if I'm too tired to bother with taking medicine, I know that he can't go without his.  I guess this article is talking about this type of relationship, but most pet owners (if they are ones that deserve to have pets) would feel this type of stewardship to your own animal anyways.

What has me thinking is how I'm being a good steward of the animals that aren't sitting right in front of me and staring me in the eyes.  My co-workers and I were talking about the documentary Food Inc today and although I haven't seen it, I get the gist of it.  I've read the book Fast Food Nation and promptly forgotten most things I'd read because it was too challenging.  How do you responsibly eat without....

a) going broke

b) going crazy

c) giving up meat

I love meat....and I don't have much money....and having to think too much about where my food is coming from makes me not want to eat at all.  However, I'm pondering more and more whether or not I should be thinking about it more.  Now I'm not a chicken fan anyways, but did you know that most chickens are raised in cages that allow them no room to move, breathe, poop, or eat properly.  Most times they are force fed crap that we would never want to have in our own systems and raised in half the time of  naturally grown chickens.  Now how is that being a good steward of the animals that God created.  I'm not 

trying to go all PETA on anyone, but seriously?  There isn't really a way to spin that to make it acceptable....I'd like to challenge you to find a way.

Same goes with testing our beauty products on animals.  How do you justify that?  And I use products that test on animals.  My favorite make-up tests on animals.  Realistically there isn't any difference between torturing rats in a lab than there would be taking my cat and torturing it in a lab.  Sure rats aren't necessarily household pets, but they are living creatures that God created and that he made us to respect.  We aren't using them in a way that shows good stewardship. And FYI, they also test on cats, dogs, monkeys, rabbits....gross.

Back to the meat issue, I believe eating meat is totally biblical....(check Genesis 9:3) and I believe that being vegetarian is totally biblical (God created people with the intent of them not eating meat...there wasn't death in the Garden....ah!)  I just choose to partake in the first one of those because nothing brings me more earthly joy than a plate full of ribs....just sayin.

HOWEVER...as mentioned before, I think that eating meat should be done responsibly...at least consider it. Sure its more expensive, but they sell free range eggs, chicken, and beef.  You can buy meat locally.  

I'm feeling totally convicted in my own consumer habits right now.  I definitely buy cheap meat, because it's cheap.  I buy beauty products that are cheap, when it wouldn't be difficult to find brands that are creating their products responsibly, even if it costs me a few extra bucks.

By the way..I would also like to point out that taking time to think about this doesn't mean you have to take less time to focus on human right issues.  I truly do believe that this article is spot on..animals were created and we are responsible for them.  However, even more importantly, human beings have inherent value and human rights issues really do take important precedence.  But if I'm working in social services and fighting for the rights of important souls but ignoring what we are commanded to do with our time on this earth in the regard of our environment and its little critters....then I'm still missing the mark some.

P.S.  PETA has its issues, for sure, but they do have a list of companies that don't test on animals.

Pretty legit.

As my beautiful friend Whitney has told me before, Kirkland doesn't test on animals, so thankfully my $12.00 bottle of shampoo is in the clear.  :)

An Apple a day keeps real relationships away....

Every other Facebook status this last week has involved a shout out of thankfulness and love for the life of someone that most of us have never met but has impacted almost everyone in one way or another.

I really honestly only know the name Steve Jobs because we learned about him in our computer classes in high school.  Now, this may not be the best time to confess that I have never been the biggest financial supporter of Apple products (mainly because you have to be financially stable to do so), but I have a healthy respect for the company and what they have done.  They have pioneered technology as we know it....and Steve Jobs apparently was right at the center of those innovations. Our world is decidedly changed because he lived.

Something that has gotten me thinking though is what the legacy is that Steve Jobs is going to leave behind.  I think that his life resume would prove that he was an accomplished man, but I also wonder where his accomplishments have left us.  More connected?  More informed?  Cooler?  I would agree with all of those.  Nobody loves having information and communication right at their fingertips at all times more than I do.  No one can refute that you don't look pretty rad carrying your tiny computer around in your pocket.  I have to admit I have spent hours playing on my parent's Ipads....even though I swore up and down about how much of a waste of money they were when they bought them.

But push all those positives aside and let's take a solid look at where else this puts us?  Take each of those things....

1) More connected....

People are certainly more connected through constant texting and constant Facebooking, but what about connecting in person.  When is the last time that you committed to call someone instead of taking the easy road and sending them a Facebook comment or message?  I will just use myself on this one...and I don't even own an IPhone or anything with "I" in front of it...but still, I only have one friend that I call on a regular basis...and let's be honest...she usually calls me.  I haven't talked to my sister on the phone since she visited in July.  That is pretty disgusting when you think about it.  Sure I Facebook with these people....but I can't commit to talking on the phone for 10 minutes...even just to say hi?  You know why?  Because technology has pretty much depleted all abilities that we used to have in old fashioned forms of communication.  I am the worst phone talker in the world.  I'm awkward.  I can't stand silences so I run my mouth just to hear myself talk.  I don't ask good questions.  I don't have enough topics of conversation in my head to make things work.  But I'm a great Facebooker.  How impersonal.  How terrible that my best friends in the world and my family who I adore never hear from me because I'm too scared to pick up a phone.  When I do pick up a phone....I dread it.  You could blame social anxiety (which I don't have) or blame my own stubbornness.  But to some extent I blame technology...and I think it's valid.

2) More informed...

Here's what I have to say about this.  I wish I were less informed sometimes.  Because it's never about things that are worth being informed about.  Apparently Kim Kardashian got married recently....and I sure have heard a lot about that from my friends who are uber connected to their computers and from trashy TV shows.  But did you know that there were more suicides in the military this year than there were actual wartime deaths?  Why do we not hear about these things?  Because no one is checking out CNN.com when they grab their phones and scan the sites.  And I'm to blame for this just as much as anyone else.  I remember growing up and watching the news every single day.  Not saying that the news media doesn't have its issues, because they certainly do.  But I don't read newspapers, I rarely see the news. I don't give myself an opportunity to hear even the most important of stories.

Oh, I also know what "so and so" ate for breakfast this morning.  I know what that guy that I just met likes to do in his free time and how many friends he has from college.  I know that one of my friends got a new girlfriend last week  I know that 10 of my friends like that he got a new girlfriend.  And to not be hypocritical, my friends know what I did today, yesterday, and the day before that.  We are informed....but not because we are asking questions or even interacting, but simply because the information is there.  There is no mystery, and to some extent there is a decreased practical need for real relationships.  Let's say I get together with a friend that I had from college and haven't seen in a few months.  Chances are good that we will only need to talk for about 5 minutes to hear the things that we don't already know from Facebook, or to confirm the things we've heard on Facebook.  And then from that point on....what do you talk about?  If it isn't important enough for Facebook, then who cares?  Right?  That is the mentality.

3) Cooler....

Not being in my school years in this day and age is a total blessing for me.  I'm so thankful I hit that age when I did, because being as poor as my family was during a time like this would be so depressing.  Coolness in this technology age is all about what you have....what toys you can show off.  It was like that to some extent when I was little, but it was more about whether you had a Tamigotchi or a Furby.  Now it is about what Iphone you have and how loaded your Ipod is.

We take value away from people and put value on objects.  Objects help make the people.  I actually have people in my life that I associate with the things that they have.  And I love them dearly...but those things mean more to them than anything else in the world.  It is their comfort blanket, and in turn its become their calling card.


I just think this whole thing is so interesting.  A man who pioneered the world with his visions is gone and now as we stand in this spot looking back and starting to look forward...I can't envision where it goes from here.  The truth of the matter is that there is no looking back.  We aren't ever going to decrease in technology levels....it is only going to get more impersonal from here.  It makes me stop and think about what it is that I feel compelled to do about it personally.  Do I make an extra effort to use Facebook less...to share less about myself there and to save that for real interactions? Do I commit to not getting that Iphone or any smart phone because I don't need to be that connected ALL the time.  I think everyone, at some point, should take an inventory of what this all means and where you go from here.  Because for all the steps forward...we are actually taking some pretty giant leaps back too.

Okay okay...I've learned my lesson...

This has been such an interesting month.

I feel like God is trying to teach me every lesson in the book....all at once.  Maybe because I'm actually listening and since I'm listening, it makes good sense to get them all in now?!  

Here is what I've learned....maybe you are learning something similar but in a different way.  If so, I feel your pain.

1) I've learned I'm becoming bitter about the things that aren't going my way, and I'm also learning that it is totally unacceptable.  I had a bible study leader at one point in my life who was completely bitter about how life was treating her.  She complained about guys because they weren't into her.  She complained about guys if they were into her.  She had a new complaint for every facet of her single state of being, and it made me not want to be around her.  I'm drifting closer and closer to that with every failed attempt at dating.  I'm becoming her....and I hate that.  The other day I actually told one of my good friends to just stay single  because dating wasn't worth it.  Uh?  Bitter much?  I'm like the grapefruit of single people.  And I don't even mean that. How did I get to that point?  I love what I have going for me.  I'm incredibly blessed.  Why am I complaining?  Ugh.  Fickle....we are so fickle.

2) I'm lazy.  I have had this nagging impression in the last few months...with good reason. Because its true.  But it was thrown right in my face in a pretty abrupt way this week when my 16 year old car finally bit the dust.  It was a pretty great car...I had it for 6 years with hardly any issues at all.  I have definitely put in WAY less than a $1500 in repairs (and that includes tire changes).  Now let me paint you a picture...I live about 2 miles from my work, and I have driven every day since early summer. I live 2 miles from church...never ridden my bike.  I drive downtown to go to a movie.  That is sheer laziness.  I could run to that movie without breaking a sweat.  Pathetic.  So, God is providing me the opportunity to not be lazy anymore...thank you!  Not sure this is how I wanted it, but I have to admit that I already feel more motivated and in shape after only 4 days.  Now I just need to pray for a mild winter...

3) I'm allergic to something. Barring some expensive allergy tests, I'm not sure what.  But I'm feeling the effects in full-swing right now.  I'm hoping the winter months will bring some relief because its pretty distracting.  For a while I was thinking it was dairy...so I cut that out.  I'm not convinced.  And I have to be convinced to totally cut out dairy.  It could be a gluten intolerance.  I don't even want to consider that, because you might as well just give me a feeding tube.  Because cutting out gluten cuts out all of my joy in eating.  My doctor also seems to think it could be mold, as I've had issues with that in the past and this really started to rear its ugly head after I moved apartments in August.  We'll see.  Maybe I should just invest in a bubble....such as this....

Especially if the bubble contains Jake Gyllenhaal.  That will make the experience so much more pleasant!  :)

Moral of that story is that God is definitely teaching me trust in this area of my health because I'm starting to run out of ideas.  Thankfully he knows what is going on, so now its just finding a doctor that does too!

4)  I'm bad at loving people.  I think we all are to some extent.  No one is perfect and some are worse than others, but I'm convinced I'm on the worse end of the spectrum.  I have realized that I don't have nice things to say a lot of the time. And I hang out with people that don't have nice things to say a lot of the time.  Not cool.  Need to check myself before I wreck myself in that category.  I also don't stand up for people the way I should.  Straight up if you are near me, don't talk about people that I love as if they aren't important to me. Just a warning that I'm going to call you out on your crap from here on out.  Told you God was teaching me things....

5)  I need to slow down some.  Getting rid of my car has made me realize that...yet another lesson learned that I would gladly have found out without losing my main form of transportation.  I go go go all the time and have a bookshelf of books waiting to be read, a journal that wants to be written in, a cat that wouldn't mind a little company around the house, and a number of phone calls to friends that need to be made.  I suck at taking time out of my day to build relationships and clean my house and catch up on reading and cook banana bread.  I am taking vacation in November from work for 5 days and going away by myself somewhere.  The decision was made to not vacation this fall because of money, but a cheaper option was found and I'm thankful for time to get away from Spokane and relax on my own.  I've never traveled alone and at my own pace and I'm really looking forward to it.  I like being without an agenda. It should be perfect.

There you have it.....I know these lessons could have been learned a lot more painfully.  My mom needed to slow down about 7 years ago and she had a terrible accident that had her laid up in bed for 3 months.  Thank you Lord for no broken bones!  :)