Decisions Decisions!

You know what?  I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.

I don't have anything in order.  Even the things that feel in order aren't.

Jeremiah 17: 7-8
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

I have a lot of big decisions to make this next year.  Lots of big moves and lots of time to think about the moves in between when I need to make them.  Lots of need for prayer.  Lots of need to rediscover what I'm passionate about and pursue that...not settle for less than what I owe myself out of life.

Lots of need to find joy in life even when things aren't going the way I hoped.

I use humor a lot to cover up what I'm really thinking, and its a pretty easy-out actually.  You don't look needy or embarrassed or helpless when you can find the strength to laugh at yourself.  But I think this time I'm going to resist the urge to laugh at myself and just be real.

If you get an opportunity...I need prayer for these things:

- I am struggling with my job right now.  It isn't new news for most people that I'm close to that I work with a very difficult population and that this last month has been particularly challenging.  I am committed to another 10 months at my job and literally this 10 months may bring me to the end of my proverbial rope.  

- I am fervently seeking the next step for me, and have been feeling for some time that schooling may be next in line.  For quite some time I have been considering the pursuit of a Masters in Social Work, but I constantly sense that God may be trying to talk me out of that.  Not that it isn't a noble pursuit, because I know it is....but the real question is whether or not it is the pursuit that I should be making.  (I must add in addition that my discernment as to God's will is nearly zero at this point in life, so my gut feeling about things is really poor and a bad judgment of right and wrong).  I might add that I'm struggling through my desire to work with animals and how alive I feel in that....but trying to make sense of how that factors into my future career.

- Speaking of careers. I guess I never expected I would need one...for long term.  Every little girl expects that they will most likely just be a mommy and a wife...the heck with careers.  Well, 25 years later...I'm needing to consider the fact that my career may be something that God is calling me to above being a mommy or a wife...and I sense that choosing wisely is important.

-I am needing more activity in my life...less time in my own thoughts and more time doing things that I love and that bring me life.  Please pray that those opportunities will open up...especially if they are free or very cheap, because my 10 month obligation to my current job leaves me with VERY little spending money each month.  Oh AmeriCorps.

Thanks for those of you that are reading this and take time to pray.  I feel like I don't ask for help enough, and especially not the kind that actually is effective...prayer.