Bucket List Revisited

My mom told me about this little baby who was diagnosed with a terminal illness and whose parents were writing a blog in her honor, documenting some "bucket list" moments that she was experiencing.  She died this last week at the age of 5 months old, and as I read her blog yesterday and ugly cried my way through it...I recalled that I had made a bucket list myself and that I was making little or no headway on it.  I decided to take a look and see where I've been...


This last year I managed to mark a pretty solid handful of things off my bucket list....a few of these things included....


15) Go to Europe.
22) See the Eiffel Tower
30) Fly a kite
55) Volunteer regularly
54) Find a street sign for "Danielle Street"
38) Find a career that I love.
58) Live in an apartment with no roommates.
60) See one of my favorite artists live (Dierks...oh Dierks)
80) Send a message in a bottle
82) Build an epic sand castle
99) Go to a GU B-Ball game at the Kennel
21) Visit the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans


I also plan on doing these two things this coming year for sure...


40) Get my Masters.
96) Live somewhere other than the West Coast.



Now the interesting thing about bucket lists are that they seem to morph as the years go on. There are things I felt like would "complete" my life last year that really don't hold any meaning for me this year.  Why waste my time watching every single Oscar Best Picture from the last 20 years if I don't like half of them?  Why in the world would I want to hold a tarantula?  I don't even like spiders.  Do I really want to run that half marathon?  My knee barely allows me to get through Bloomsday.  I may still do these things....but will my life really feel more complete because I did them?


I guess I've been thinking a lot, not about the meaning of life, but about what meaning I'm putting into my life personally.  Am I taking the time to do things that bring me joy?  Am I putting great importance into my relationships with others or am I putting great importance into my relationship with things?  Am I living expressly for the purpose of showing God glory through my life?  What a terrible thing to waste your life on things that don't matter.


I guess what it comes down to is living life fully....living it with purpose and with intentionality.  Too many days I come home and sink into my couch and watch TV to numb my experiences from work.  I may be serving during the day, but so many days it's with a heart that doesn't want to serve and that would rather be somewhere else.  I have 50 days left to make my experience at work something that feels positive at the other end of it.  I could leave feeling burnt out and unwilling to explore this population further in future job opportunities, or I could leave with a positive attitude.  I could also devote my time outside of work to things that feel like they matter....things that make me feel alive.  Maybe doing things that make me feel more alive outside of work will make me feel more alive at work.


I love that Baby Avery's bucket list was a list of experiences...a list of joyful moments with the ones that she loved.  Not experiences that would make her life more complete in the end, but that allowed her to live fully during the time she had.  So maybe my bucket list for this year....if I were to be honest with myself...would be a "make it as I go" list.  Am I living in the moment and grasping opportunities when they arise?  Am I trying new things and taking risks?  Am I laying it on the line and using up every ounce of every day to allow my life to have real depth?  That's what I hope for this year.

Mariner's Fan: A Story of Heartbreak

Baseball season is upon us, as most able-minded US citizens should now realize.  This time of year always reopens old wounds on the hearts of most Mariner's fans.  Let's face it...the team hasn't been on its A game for quite a few years.  The fair weather fans have found sunnier pastures in other outlets....although not in the Pacific Northwest because Seattle has a corner on poorly performing sports teams.  However, there are reasons to stick around.  Call it false hope, nostalgia, or a sense of loyalty...here are 10 reasons why I hang around for more.

#10  Garlic Fries

You haven't arrived at Safeco until you can smell the garlic.  Wash them down with a $7.00 lemonade (aka a glass of water with a lemon jammed in it) and you've got yourself a meal.

 

#9) Lou Piniella

I will forever stand by my belief that the year that they bring Lou back is the year that we win the Series.  I love this man.  Bad attitude and all.

#8) The Old Jerseys

Nothing I love more about the Mariners than Retro Throwback night....the Trident is so classic.  

#7) A-Rod Hating

Lower than my tolerance for alcohol is my tolerance for sell-outs. The Yankees deserve you.  Thank you for breaking my heart.

#6)  Safeco Field

This place is a gem.  Between the energy, the train whistles, the views of the skyline, the garlic smell wafting about, the planes flying overhead...I love everything about it. 

 

#5) Seattle

This should be pretty obvious, but a lot of the charm of the team has to be attributed to the city.  I have had a huge crush on the city of Seattle since I was a little kid.  Spokane is its ugly step-sister, so it was always fun to head West and spend some time near the water and big skyscrapers.  One of my favorite days involves scouring Pike Place Market, shopping at all the stores we don't have, eating seafood on the waterfront, and capping the night off with a little Mariner's action.  It's so worth the $20.00 parking.

#4) Edgar Martinez

This man is a legend.  I'm embarrassed to admit how big of a crush I have on a 50 year old married man who speaks broken English and needs someone else to run the bases for him.  The man can hit.  He has charisma.  He is humble.  Oh goodness.  Hold me back.

#3)  Dave Niehaus

My oh my.  This guy is missed.

#2)  2001

To say I was obsessed with the Mariners in 2001 was an understatement.  Edgar Martinez, Mike Cameron, Kazuhiro Sasaki, Joel Pineiro, Arthur Rhodes, Jamie Moyer, Dan Wilson, Brett Boone, Carlos Guillen, John Olerud....and that is me rattling those names off after 11 years. I'm a superfan.  You pretty much can't ever top 116 wins.  I don't know that I'd be any more impressed even if they had won the Series.  Studs.

#1)  1995

I realize my top reason for loving the Ms is a year...but it is what started my love for them.  I was 9 and just at the age that I could either choose to be a Mariner's fan or choose to be a loser.  I chose correctly.  Such an incredible year.  When I found out Griffey was coming back to finish out his career with the Mariners I almost pooped my pants, because all I could think about was this scene right here.

So Mariners...try not to break my heart.  But even if you do, I'll come running back for more next Spring.

Peace

You know those days when everything seems right with the world?  I must say that as of late, I've had a multitude of days that don't feel quite like that, so having one today was glorious.

First of all....

There was a Mufasa cloud in the sky over my apartment when I came home from dinner with my mom tonight.  You know what I'm talking about.



Ok, it wasn't quite as good as this one, but it was close enough to bring my heart joy.

Secondly, as mentioned above....I had dinner with my mom tonight.  If you ask what I might miss most when I move away in a few months, it is probably this.  We also ended up sitting very near to a guy that closely resembled Napoleon Dynamite and ate his dinner while listening to his Ipod.  Nice.

Lastly, and perhaps the most exciting, the Boston furniture dilemma has been solved.  I have had quite a battle building in my head as to how to find help to assist me in moving in furniture and also what vehicle I would use to do so....and how I would afford anything.  All of this was solved when the girl who is moving out of my apartment offered up all of her bedroom furniture.  Talk about a blessing.  I now have zero dilemmas with that at all.

I honestly have been very much seeking a little confirmation that I am meant to be going to Boston.  I do believe God gives us extraordinary opportunity to exercise free will, and my will obviously is to get out of Spokane for a bit, get my Masters, and do it somewhere completely different from here.  I chose Boston a tiny bit indiscriminately and had my heart set on it, but that doesn't necessarily mean it was meant to be.  God's will is greater than mine, and I like to think I'm seeking that more so than mine, but when your heart is set....its hard to hear opposition.  Something this simple is a HUGE HUGE sigh of relief for me and feels like some confirmation I have been hoping and praying to see.  Fact of the matter is, I've gotten accepted into a  program that could have rejected me just as easily, I have found roommates and a great apartment early on and with fairly significant ease, I found a flight that is so cheap its practically free, and now this.  What more confirmation do I need?

One more day of work and the weekend is here already....13 more weeks of work.  Time to come to terms with the fact that this stage is ending and the next stage is looming.  Big changes.

Strength

You know...the funny thing about valleys is that they are sometimes nearly impossible to pull yourself out of.

I had a heck of a health scare about a month ago, and despite receiving a much appreciated "get out of jail free" card, my overly anxious heart can't help but anticipate the next bump in the road.  It seems to always be something.  Our lives are never as perfect as we want people to assume that they are.  It's funny that we put on such a facade to make ourselves look good, while actually feeling like we are wading through garbage and getting nowhere fast.  The truth of the matter is that a health scare like that reminds you that you aren't invincible.  The intangible things really can touch your life.

Truly it's said best that "you are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away".  It's hard not to get caught on that...realizing how finite life is and how little control we have over it.  Truth of the matter is that all of us are on a collision course with the end of our lives...it's just a matter of how quick the car is moving.

So, I guess where I find myself currently is trying to repack all those fears that have been let loose from Pandora's box and live this life in a way that acknowledges that those fears exist and that they are legitimate, but that living fully is so much more legitimate than they will ever be.  Worrying isn't going to change the future.  6 months down the road I could get bad news.  I could be all the way across the country, completely lacking a support system, and get bad news.  But the truth of the matter is that God is making a way for me to grad school in Boston and he is making a way for me to battle the challenges I face.  Since when did we get dropped on our faces in a "I completely can't handle this...no way, no how" sort of way.  I sure haven't been there.  And I actually can't think of anyone who has.  Even those who have faced the worst of the worst have been met with grace in the midst of it.

Strength is a funny thing....it's the thing that gives you the ability to climb up out of that valley and to venture on even though you sense there are more valleys waiting on the path you walk.

"He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless" Isaiah 40:29

Kinda stupid....

I'm just struck right now by a few things that I think are stupid...one of those things is how stupid this whole blog is going to be, since its all about stupid stuff.

1) Running into an old fling/random person you went on a date with and totally had feelings for/old boyfriend that you aren't over/etc....
Why do I think it's stupid?: Because you are never with someone equally attractive that will make that person at least second guess themselves for being so ridiculously stupid to let you go.  And you are usually wearing sweats.  And you usually haven't washed your hair for 2 days.  And you probably have no make-up on.  Or maybe you look hot, and you still feel bad because even if you look hot, it's still stupid.

What would make it less stupid?:  If you had a snappy comeback or two.  If you didn't care so much what he thought of you.  If he had never dumped you in the first place..... :)

2) Friendships with men.
Why do I think they are stupid?:  Because realistically, we don't communicate well.  They aren't sympathetic.  They are relatively selfish.  They talk to you about other girls, which about 50% of the time is hurtful.  It is typically hot and cold....and gets cold really fast when they start dating someone who is more fun to hang out with then you.  Stupid I tell you.

What would make it less stupid?: If men would quit being morons.  Come on.  Learn to be more sensitive and realize when you are being a jackass.  Quit being wishy washy.  Quit leading people on.  Quit the "I'll be friends with you when its convenient for me" act.  We are on to you.

3) Trashy TV shows.
Why do I think they are stupid?  Let me rephrase that....I mean HBO trashy.  Some of my co-workers tried to talk me into submitting my poor mind to True Blood....and it was garbage.  Why would I waste my time with terrible acting and enough sex to last a whole honeymoon (in one hour?).  I'd much rather spend my night watching House Hunters and pretending that people still have morals.

What would make it less stupid?: Nothing...it will always be stupid.

4) Rain
Why do I think it's stupid?  Because when you don't own a car and biking is your sole mode of transportation to your work that is 2.5 miles away...rain is the worst thing ever.

What would make it less stupid?:  I need a full-body raincoat.

5)  2 Suit Spider Solitaire
Why do I think it's stupid?  Because its incredibly difficult.  I can't even imagine 4 suit....it would literally make my head explode.

What would make it less stupid?:  If I could find a fool-proof way to allow myself to win at least 1 out of 10 games.  Because my track record of 1 out of every 100 is really crappy.


6) The Zag's record in the NCAA tournament.
Why do I think it's stupid?  Because we never make it very far, and that is so stupid.  We could be having the most insane season with the most cohesive team and the greatest chances at making it big...and we always choke in the 2nd or 3rd rounds.  ALWAYS.

What would make it less stupid?  If they would win.....that is the only way.  Until then, it will always be stupid.  And we will always say "Well, there's always next year".  And we will always watch those big name schools jump around and enjoy what should have been the Zag's victory if they could have just pulled up their britches and played like big boys.

You know what else is stupid?  Lists that end at 5.  I like even numbers, so mine is ending at 6.
:)

Shoebox

Reality check....

Housing on the East Coast is crazy expensive.

I pay $385.00 a month in Spokane and have the cutest apartment ever.





Look at all that space....

You wanna know what $385.00 gets you in Boston?



Uh, no thank you.

So, let's get a little more realistic.  I will FOR SURE be spending at least $700.00 a month on an apartment, and more realistically close to $900.  What does Craigslist say $900.00 will buy in Spokane?



This entire house.


What does $900.00 buy you in Boston? 

This....



Yes....this is a one room apartment.....and to be specific....this is $995.00 a month.
I must also add that this is the biggest of the studios I've seen.  Most of them are dorm rooms with an attached bathroom....nice.

Good thing I'm selling all my furniture to move out there, because I won't have space for any of it.

Here's to 6 more months in a spacious apartment with all of my belongings!  :)

Let's go to the movies...

There is something about the Oscars.  Maybe it's the hundreds of celebrities that all come together in one place.  Maybe it's the theme music that makes me want to cry even though it isn't meant to be sad.  Maybe it's the dresses...the tuxes...the tributes...

All I know is that I look forward to it...and it never seems to disappoint.

As I sit here watching this year's edition, it has me thinking about the impact that movies have had on my life and on the lives of all of us.  We certainly live in this strange world where Hollywood and celebrity and materialism seem to overwhelm us in a negative sense.  We know more about the gossip surrounding the death of Whitney Houston than we do the real news that is happening in this world.  I'm the first to admit that my conversations often involve more ridiculous jabber about people I don't know than about things that actually matter.

BUT....I think there is a lot more to Hollywood than the glitz and the rumors.  Think about the movies that have impacted you...that hold memories that are incredibly personal and meaningful.  Doesn't everyone remember those movies that they went to see as kids, when we were so small that those old-school theater seats would flip up and trap us in them?  How about that movie that you went to on your first date (you know...the one that you don't remember anything about because you were concentrating so hard on not doing something stupid)?  How about that movie that you watch everytime you were home sick as a kid?  The movie that you have watched over and over because it never stops being funny?  We all have those.

I love the Oscars because it takes time to honor the talents of people that make these moments possible.  Let's face it...most of us have no idea how to act.  Most of us have no desire to act. I have never once wanted to stand in front of a crowd and show off my entertainment abilities, most likely because I have none.  The Oscars is an opportunity to recognize people, that regardless if they themselves recognize it or not, have been allowed a God-given talent to allow people to escape this world for a few moments.  Movies allow us to escape that bad break-up or bad news and find humor or adventure in something fantastical.  They are the visual companion to the books that have always kept us company.  They are the outpouring of the imaginations of a lot of talented people.  I love it.

As I watch this year, I realize that I haven't seen many of the top notch movies of the year, probably because I have been wasting all my money on movies like The Vow which will never be awarded anything for talented acting....ha.  But I'm also reminded of my goal to watch all the Best Pictures from 1990 on....a little piece of my Bucket List that I suppose I should get cracking on.  I think I'm having a hard time getting into it because of the 2nd one on this list...maybe I can skip to 1992.  Cannabalism quit being fun when I was in the Jr. High and scary movies were still exciting and not heart-attack inducing.

Perhaps I can use 1989's movie in its place?  Driving Miss Daisy is so much more my speed.

(*) = I've seen this enough times that I don't need to see it again to appreciate the beauty of it all.

1990 - Dances with Wolves
1991 - Silence of the Lambs
1992 - Unforgiven
1993 - Schindler's List
1994 - Forrest Gump (*)
1995 - Braveheart
1996 - The English Patient
1997 - Titanic (3D in Imax....on the 100th anniversary...I think yes).
1998 - Shakespeare in Love
1999 - American Beauty
2000 - Gladiator
2001 - A Beautiful Mind
2002 - Chicago
2003 - Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (*)
2004 - Million Dollar Baby
2005 - Crash (*)
2006 - The Departed
2007 - No Country for Old Men
2008 - Slumdog Millionaire (*)
2009 - Hurt Locker
2010 - The King's Speech
This year...to be announced.

So thank you actors, producers, directors, cinematographers, etc... for allowing us to get outside of ourselves and experience in ways that we couldn't if you didn't create.

P.S. Does anyone have direct contact with Joseph Gordon-Levitt...because I would like to thank him personally...  ;)

HA!  Happy Oscar Sunday!